Songs In September

I watched his red hair disappear into the pouring summer rain.  Suitcase in hand, he walked down the pathway while completely soaking his attire.  He didn’t look back, we’d already said our goodbyes, but I missed him already.  I missed his adorable smile the most, how sometimes we’d get quiet when there was nothing to say and he’d just smile and laugh just to break the silence.  He was just so genuinely happy and carefree, it always rubbed off on me when he was around.  Sometimes he’d say the most touching things or play me a song he wrote.  It was a summer to remember and I wished with all my heart that it could last longer and that he wouldn’t have to go back home to England.  Ed was the first guy I’d had feelings for, but it wasn’t just the smile that did it.

*

My heart sank in my chest as I forced myself not to turn around.  I couldn’t see her melancholy face again.  I wanted to remember the laughs and happy moments that Leo and I had shared all summer, rather than her frowning face through a streaky wet window pane.  I didn’t want to think about rain and goodbyes, I preferred swimming and summer and first kisses.  I loved her, but I couldn’t tell her that.  She wouldn’t have taken me seriously.  That’s just the kind of girl she was.  She probably would’ve assumed I was joking and laughed.  That’s the thing about being in love as a teenager, no one believes you even though you know it with all your heart.  So I told her I’d miss her and that I’d be okay, even though the later was a flat-out lie.  Either way, I didn’t say those three words.  

*

Looking out that window, my mind wandered.  After he was in the car and long gone, I still stood right there, resting my head on my hand, with my elbow propped on the window sill.  Things had changed so much since the beginning of the summer when my hair was short, my name was still Louise, and I would’ve given anything to not travel to Green-lake Homestead.  My opinions and appearance had changed so much since then, you could say I was a completely different person.  And of course, it was all because of him.

*

Every year when Summer comes along, I feel as though I have forever ahead of me, but by the end, I’ll look back and think that it went by so fast.  This year was different, it seemed like forever.  It had been forever since I’d met the girl crying at the lake.  Her short black hair had hung in front of her face and she was the slightest bit intimidating, but I couldn’t bear to watch her sob.  I said hello and asked if she was alright and she blew me off, said she was fine.  I persisted.  I remembered thinking to myself in that moment, that I’d probably end up regretting my decision to say “No, really.  What’s wrong?”  I thought wrong.  Without a doubt, I didn’t regret asking her again.  After that, she’d talked for an hour, telling me the reason for every tear, entrusting a complete stranger with all of her feelings.  She picked the right stranger, though.

*

He listened to me.  He sat there by the lake, completely all ears to an introverted girl that he didn’t even know.  He didn’t ask questions, he just let me speak and be heard.  I really needed that, and he figured it out.  There was one more thing I needed that day and he gave that to me as well.  I finished talking and instead of answering, he leaned over and hugged me.  He understood.

*

She told me about school, about being ignored, about her grandmother passing away, about the car accident she’d been in, about her grades slipping, about her old best friend wanting to visit her over the summer, about her father refusing and instead booking an entire summer at a lake house, about her losing hope all-together.  It had been a long hard year for her and I felt so bad.  I just wanted to hug her, so I did.  I wrapped my arms around her and hugged the sixteen-year-old girl sitting next to me.  She cried on my shoulder and simply said “thank you.”  I could hear how grateful she was in those two words, though.  And that was that, we became inseparable.