Multi-Fandom Oneshots and Short Stories

Mantra~Bucky Barnes

Inspired by the scene from The Falcon and the Winter Soldier episode 4 (Wakanda scene)

Word count: 595

Angst, Bucky Barnes, Trauma, reliving trauma, Memories, PTSD, Wakanda, Ayo, and more

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Mornings were almost worst than nights, in Bucky's opinion. There was always this thought, right when he wakes up, "What if this is just a dream."

The thought never failed to follow him through the day.

Bucky laid still for a few more moments, just counting the seconds until a hydra operative told him what to do. Alas, that moment never came, and he began to believe that he was free once more.

An hour passed, and Bucky was sitting in the bathroom of his little hut.

"Longing," He whispered to himself in Russian. He closed his eyes and took a ragged breath in, 1, 2, 3, and out, 1, 2, 3.

"Rusted. Seventeen." Bucky winced with the onslaught of memories. Help, anyone, please! Another breath in... and out.

"Daybreak." Car crash. Serum. Cold. Cold. Cold.

"Furnace. Nine." Let me go. Please. Let me go!

"Benign. Homecoming." I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. Please. I didn't want to do this!

"One." A weapon.

"Freight car." The train-

Steve-

I'm sorry. Please, believe me!

Bucky didn't notice the tears falling down his face and how they left stained streaks on his skin.

He didn't remark on his not-so-suddenly wet shirt or the new person in his hut. He just sat there, enveloped in memories.

"You're past is no longer you're present, White Wolf." Bucky jumped into a fighting stance before realizing that it was just Ayo.

"Oh, hey, Ayo."

"Sergent Barnes, you are free. Hydra is no more."

"Please, Ayo, just Bucky."

"Deflecting gets you nowhere." Bucky sighed before giving a tight smile.

"I'm gonna go do my farm work."

As he did what he considered his new and quite enjoyable job, he repeated Ayo's words in his head. Even going as far as whispering them while he worked.

You are free. Hydra is gone.

In. 1, 2, 3. Out. 1, 2, 3. Bucky tended to the goats, even petting some when he was leaving.

~~~

It took another week of Bucky's mantras and rituals before he was able to ask Ayo or any of his other friends in the Dora Milaje.

And he got them in his little hut and had them utter the words.

"Longing. Rusted. Seventeen." A chill overtook him- like he was back on the ice.

"Daybreak. Furnace. Nine." Falling. Falling. Cold. Dead. They're gone.

"Benign. Homecoming." Hurts. Hurts. Hurts. Lifeless. Dead.

"One. Freight Car." Bucky took in a sharp breath of air. He was still here, right? He was fine. Right?

Ayo smiled at him, but Bucky wasn't paying attention. Everything seemed almost too good to be true. What if this was a dream? What if he really was on the ice, and this was all some coping mechanism- a safe place in his damaged mind- if you will.

Ayo didn't want to leave the Survivor, so she told the rest to go to training and to tell Okoye that something had come up. She was a soldier in her own battle. She knew trauma, and she'd be damned if she was letting her new friend go through it alone.

~~~It took several more weeks for Bucky to stop asking the Dora Milaje to repeat his trigger words to him. That, however, didn't stop his other mantras.

I am not a killer anymore. I am free. Hydra is gone.

I am not a killer anymore. I am free. Hydra is gone.

I am not a killer anymore. I am free. Hydra is gone.

It didn't matter how much time passed- he would still utter those words every now and again.