our words || chuang2021 one-shots

身旁 [shēn páng]

身旁 [shēn páng]: Evocative, equating emotional and physical accompaniment. In this way, it's similar to the English phrase "at/by one's side".

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He was scared of the dark. Every night, right the second his parents would lower the ashy grey blinds and the room would go pitch black, his chest would sting right where you could find his heart. It would beat against his ribcage as if it was trying to escape from his body. He would feel nauseous remembering the words that his teacher had left imprinted on his brain. His first week of school was when he found out about them.

«We are all born with a demonic half which lives under our beds. May they resemble you or your loved ones, your duty is to kill them on your 16th birthday. It is your responsibility to demonstrate strength and power; to showcase your ability to remain calm in difficult situations. You may never give up.»

The thought of having a living creature hiding under his mattress would make him go dizzy; the room would spiral even in the dark. He would grab onto the football-themed bed sheets as tight as he could, hoping not to fall off the edge of his bed, not to be captured by the critter. Then he would lose consciousness; his hands, once contracted into fists, now laid relaxed by his sides. And after that, the day would start again and the night would lie in wait.

His fear got increasingly worse as he became older. Many of his friends were scared too, but none of them gave it the importance that Oscar did. As they were turning 16, Oscar began to receive invitations to their ceremonies. He would watch their beasts die, screeching, trying to inhale one last breath. He sometimes wondered what his creature looked like. Lin Mo's monster was short and had yellowish skin (a color that reminded him of the first piss of the day) and it smelt like brimstone and bleach. His cousin Keyu's monster was as tall as him, with broad shoulders, crooked teeth, and a bald patch right at the top of his head. However, the boy easily grabbed the beast and threw it across the room. Seconds after, a dagger was pinned in between its scapulas, dark brown blood gushing from the wound. Would his monster have sharp teeth that could easily tear his neck like Patrick's? Maybe it would fight back, like his brother Sichao's, who lost three fingers trying to slash his tiny demon in half.

He clearly remembered one of the first times he heard the beast. 2008 struck China with the coldest winter in over 100 years. A 4-year-old Oscar was brushing his teeth in the bathroom, getting ready for bed. All of a sudden, the black-haired boy heard a light cough, making him jump from the blue plastic stool he was using to reach the bathroom mirror. His mum tried to convince him that it was just one of those homeless men that wandered their neighborhood in hopes of a bowl of warm onion soup; sleeping in the snowy streets of Beijing must have taken a toll on their health. However, Oscar was convinced he heard the wheeze come from underneath his mattress. Although he was terrified, he managed to grab a glass of lukewarm milk from the kitchen, and he left it on the floor before his mum tucked him in his bed. For the first time in his short life, he could sleep without being frightened; in the back of his mind, he knew his nemesis was weak.

Oscar had been looking forward to his sixteenth birthday ever since he could remember; it meant no more unease, he would finally be able to sleep without the constant threat that lived camouflaged under his bed. He could not believe the day had finally arrived. He put on his brother's suit, which had previously been his father's. It was quite old-fashioned and dusty, but it would do the job. He did not eat. All he could do was think about the moment where he would brutally kill his enemy and would be freed from his burden. He put on some shoes that were a couple of sizes smaller than they were supposed to be and jumped in his father's car. His mum and brother were already at the venue where everything would take action. They are probably helping the guests find their chairs, lighting the candles, or blabbing away to the visitors, reminiscing their own ceremonies. Or so he thought. He saw the building in the distance and knew the time was finally coming.

Oscar stepped out of the car and into the room to find many familiar faces amongst the small crowd. He looked from left to right and waved at his brother, who waved back at him with his left hand, the one which had three fingers missing. As soon as he got to the center of the room, his dad uncovered the cage. The black-haired boy immediately froze. It was like nothing he had seen before, the most beautiful being he had ever set eyes on.

Long black hair falling over its shoulders and forehead, the shiniest black eyes he had ever seen. The creature's ears were slightly pointy, almost reminiscent of an elf. Was its skin lilac because the beast -if you could even call it that- was cold or simply because it was too light? It was resting its head on its knees. Oscar approached the cage and found a yellow sticky note hanging at the bottom of the cage. «HU YE TAO». Is that his monster's name? The more he approached it, the more the elf-looking creature would try to scoot back in the cage. It was almost as if Oscar had just encountered a mirror to his own past, when he used to be so scared he would grab his knees and he would bawl his eyes out sitting in the corner of his bed, waiting for someone to rescue him, but no one would come.

Maybe this time around he could be the rescuer. It would be unfair to kill it, right? But he had to do it. Maybe, just maybe, if he hadn't been so scared in the past, they would've been good friends. Who knows, maybe they could have even fallen in love. Oscar looked to his right and saw his dad ready to hand him a handy poniard that had been passed through the generations. However, he couldn't help think of the back door right behind his father. Slightly open, it would be so easy to open the cage and tell the beast to run away as quickly as possible. He would hope the monster would go back underneath his bed and they could plot a way for it to be free. All of his made-up thoughts vanished with the strong gust of wind that shut the door with a loud thud. He had no option. With watery eyes, he asked the monster to come out of the cage. He said it so softly it was almost inaudible. When the fairy-looking creature stood up, Oscar saw it was only a couple of inches shorter than him. It walked until it was right in front of the boy and stood still, wishing its death would be quick. Oscar lifted his right hand, which was holding the knife, as closed his eyes as he sank it right where the monster's heart would be, a single tear emerging from one of his eyes and running down his cheek.

He never looked at the soulless body on the floor. He left before anyone could clap, congratulate him on being "a man". Blood splattered all over his clothes as he saw himself in his room's mirror. He undressed himself and jumped into his bed naked. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw it. Sleepless nights, not like before, but worse. Oscar felt like he was missing something. A part of him. Maybe the monster was not living under the bed after all; maybe he was the monster.