An adult in a child's body

Chapter 1: Year 2012, the year I Peaches was supposed to start afresh and was supposed to be looking forward to the bright future I had going. First year and first day in Primary School I was supposed nervous, I thought I was going to stand out, I was scared I wouldn't be able to make friends. I badly wanted to fit in but I never tried to change myself. On my first day I got lost, I forgot where my classroom was, Akward right! that was what was going through my mind that this is super embarrasing, I wondered what will the other kids say especially the seniors, or what if I bumped into a teacher and tell her I'm lost but how will I even tell her/him when I couldn't even speak English fluently, what if I say a word wrong and I get laughed at. At that moment I feeled like crying or going back home to my mother but Thank Goodness! my transport driver found me and took me to my class, I was so embarrased. I wondered what will she say when my transport driver tells her I was lost but luckily she was a very nice,fun and kind hearted teacher. I still hadn't made friends yet but the next day the teacher made these name tags out of a green cloth, we wrote out names and the class we belong to. We had had to pin the name tags in our uniform everyday, at that time there was just one Grade R class. In that same week I made friends, my group of friends kept growing everyday, lierally the whole class became friends in a blink of an eye. I was close with both gender and my family knew that and no problem with that at that time. My life revolved around school and friends, I always putted my family first but I would listen more to my peers. I was really scared I wouldn't do well in my academics but my fear didn't win, but my love for school won. I passed, actually everyone in my class passed. After all it was Grade R , you could say it's one of the easiest grades.It was a very happy year it felt like nothing would go wrong until! year 2013 when I moved to the next grade which was a bit harder than the previous one but I loved learning new things everyday. I was still so close with all of my friends but we were slowly drafting apart, we were being split into different but I was happy that I still had my best friend by my side who's name is Beauty. She was a very good friend, she was quite caring and she was my very first best friend and the first person I became friends with in Primary. I would get quite jealous whenever she was close to other people more than me because I did not want to lose her, for a while I did not know what I would if I were to lose her but as they say "if you lose someone, just know they were not meant to be in your life and also nothing ever lasts even happines dies, love and scares fade away and wounds heal" There was a boy who liked me and my friends would encourage me to date him, I know understand that at that age I wasn't supposed to take such a big decision, I listened to my peers and did what they said and that moment it felt like I was doing the right thing, I had to hide this from my mom. Till date I'm still asking myself "if I knew what my mom's reaction would be if she would out, then why did I not know or understand that I was doing the wrong thing" I was in a... what would you call it? Oh yes! I was in a relationship with that boy named Justin for almost a year.I did come to my mind that this would be a distraction to my studies but luckily it wasn't infact I got a diploma and was chosen as second in class, I loved the joy and proudness I saw in my mother's eyes. I wished that my dad was present on the award's day but unfortunately he was busy with his life like always but I was never mad at him. Chapter 2: In the year 2014 I was doing grade 2, in that year many things changed like my transport driver stopped driving us to school and he let his son take over, and take us to school. The first time and first day I took the transport to school, I barely knew anyone besides the one girl in my area who's name is Gloria but who was never my friends. We always use to bump heads or should I say she used to purposely trouble me for no reason. I had no one to talk to and everyone would tease me, and just laugh at me sometimes I wonder what they are laughing at. I always felt unwanted by them and like I did not fit in. It took time for me to befriend most of them but the elder girls would act nasty towards me, I was always scared ro tell my mom because I knew how over protective she is towards me and I knew she was just performing her duties as a mother. And the transport driver was really nice to me she's the only person I felt like I had when in the transport. My aunt then began to fall for my new transport, she would write these letter for him and give them to me to give them to him. When I would give him the letters he would just laugh and my transport mates would ask me what that letter was about, I knew I shouldn't tell tehm but I did all because I hated lying not to say I never lie. When he would laugh, I saw that he was not at all interested at my aunt. You must be wondering how did I know he wasn't interested in her? maybe it was a gut feeling, maybe it's because seen how uninterested people act or maybe I was just scared of my aunt getting hurt or maybe I saw or assumed wrong. I was really scared to tell her what his reaction would be when I used to give him the letters and also because she had once tried to commit suicide so I started hiding the letters in my school bag and throw them away when I'm at school, I would also lie to my aunt and tell her that he said he likes her back because I was really scared to lose her and I didn't know what to do after all I was only 8 years old. You must be thinking what right did I have to hide such a big thing from her, What right did I have to lie to her and What right did I have to take away the only chance she had to find love which might be true? Well what choice did I have, I know it's no excuse that I was 8 years old, what would have you done if you were in my shoes? I never told anyone about this because I had promised my aunt to keep it has a secret, I couldn't even tell my mom but since my granny knew about this I told her the truth that I was lying to my aunt and I thought she would tell her, I didn't cared even if I got into trouble or she started hating me but unfortunately she forgot all about it within an hour. It was my I should've told the truth by myself and I should've understood that my grandmother is old so of course she would forget all about that till date she still doesn't remember but she never forgot certain stuff from like 18 years ago. I always wished there was a way for me to tell my aunt the truth but I never gained the courage. Chapter 3: In that same year I once again took another wrong step, listening to my friends I got into another relationship. I don't feel proud about that nor should anyone especially at that young age,the age of 8 this thing kept on happening almost every year, I was really ashamed that I never told my mom. My friends were not at all to blame for this, it was all my fault although I let peer pressure get to me but that isn't something you can just avoid, it's like a stage we all go through but sometimes it depends on the kind of person you are, Oh well by now you should be realising that I was the type of girl who was a push over and would let my friends. If you are wondering that then you are not wrong because I was exactly that type of a girl, I would dance to people's tune especially my peers. It went to the point where I ended up being bullied, the little stuff they would tell me to do like to pick up a peper I would do it at times I wouldn't be able to eat my lunch because they would take every slice and I was always scared to say no. They would call me "weak" and I knew they were right, I was not able to stand up for myself. I wouldn't even tell the teacher about what's all going on, I would get home and cry on my mother's lap. It went to the point that my mom had to come to school to talk to my friends, I felt really bad when my mom spoke to them harshly, I felt like I owed them an apology even the teachers complained as to why did I not tell them first before telling my mom. I knew they were right but also I felt like I did nothing wrong, they would always say that at school they were our parents but sometimes they wouldn't really care nor take the matters seriously until a parent came to school. I apology to my friends and they forgave me atleast I thought they forgave me because later on they would threaten to tell my mom that I'm dating and that really scared, at that moment I didn't mind even if I had to fall at their feet and beg them not to tell my mom but now that I think of it I should've told my mom,maybe she would've understood and brought me to the right parth. I would have sleepless nights stressing over my mom finding out the truth, I would wish I was dead because I knew I wasn't the daughter my mom wanted or wanted me to be, she would always compare to other kids or even to my friends but who am I to blame her? I would try my best to meet her expectations, I thought she would atleast be proud and satisfied that I'm atleat doing great in my academics. Mostly every weekend I would go with my mom to visit my dad but my grandmother always had a problem with that, I never understood why and I still don't understand why. As my mom tells me that my granny always had a problem with my dad. Now I'm making my own assumtion that maybe she wanted my mom to with another man and not to be with my dad but my question is that, "what could another man have that my dad doesn't have, what is my dad lacking, my dad earns pretty well and he finished school so what could be the problem?" Look! I'm not trying to say my dad is perfect in any way and I agree with the saying that "no one is perfect" I would sometimes say things to make my grandmother like my dad but till date I have failed, she would demand that my dad buy are stuff but it's like she didn't the fact that my dad isn't a millionaire and I mean YES! he does have money but she would complain that he can buy yummy stuff for me and himself but now I wonder, doesn't he have the right to spoil his only daughter? She would always say stuff like "she's going to hire people to kill my dad" whenever she would say this it would break my heart but my aunt would say that my granny is onlu blaffing she could never do that especially she's old, but even if she's saying it out of anger she should consider how I must be feeling but she never cared infact she would get anger if I try to say something and say I'm taking his side and end up calling me names but they would always forbid me from telling my mom, what's going in her absence. They would say that I'll be causing drama or fight between the family if I say something, and I would be two faced if I say anything, now in my head I'm thinking "How can I be two faced when the Zodiac sign *Gemini* is two faced and I'm a Virgo, a Zodiac sign which is way different to Gemini" silly thought right? not that I'm saying all Gemini's are two faced but most are, you must be thinking "How does Zodiac signs fit in, in this whole story/chapter?" Thing is that I'm still trying to figure out how will I be two face? I mean they are actualy teaching me to hide things from my mom and let them carry on treating me the way they were, well I did just as they said but question is "Did I do the right thing?" well I'll admit that I would sometimes confess to my mom about the things they say to me or say behind her back (I hope I'm not giving the impression that I can't keep a secret but infact I was just being a loyal daughter to my mom, not that I'm saying I'm 100% loyal to because I'm hiding my own secrets but I have good and valid reasons and also let me tell you all a little secret "I'm scared of her reaction" I mean who isn't scared of their mother's reaction?) TO BE CONTINUED... (STAY TUNED FOR THE FOLLOWING CHAPTERS)