It's Okay to Cry

Marinette stalked upstairs, disregarding her parents' confused hellos as she reached her room and flung herself across her bed. She curled up into herself, burying her face into her hands as she willed herself to calm down.

Calm down. Calm down. No negative thoughts, no negative emotions--

"Marinette?" Tikki's timid voice broke through her inner chants. "Please, what's got you all riled up? Maybe if you talked about it--"

Marinette let out a choked laugh and flung a pillow angrily across the room. It hit the opposite wall and slid to the floor. "Talk about it. Work through it. Power through everything. Pretend it doesn't bother you. Don't release your negative emotions. I've heard it all a thousand times, Tikki!" She didn't mean to yell, but her frustration was bubbling out.

Tikki looked alarmed. Marinette had never yelled at her before. "Marinette, be careful, Hawkmoth--"

"I know, I know! Suppress it! Don't cry, don't yell, don't get upset! Be sweet, timid Marinette! You aren't allowed to be upset! You aren't allowed to be angry!" The heroine duly realized tears were forming, and furiously wiped them away. The simmering anger was better than the dull ache of sadness that threatened to wash over her.

Her kwami was just watching her sadly, and the tiny, rational part of Marinette's brain that managed to wrestle through the sadness and anger whispered: You can't afford to be akumatized. You're overreacting. Calm down.

Sometimes she hated that voice. It sounded too much like Ladybug's and not enough like her own. A teenage girl's voice.

Suddenly, she hated that voice. She hated that part of herself. She hated Ladybug.

Marinette got to her feet. "I'm going out."

Tikki hovered, but she shook her head. "I'm going alone."

"Marinette," Tikki started gently, "you know I can't--"

"I haven't been properly by myself in ages, Tikki! Just...just leave me alone!" And with that, the distraught heroine stalked back out through the bakery, out the door, and disappeared through the streets with no particular destination in mind.

Tikki didn't follow.

~

It was a quiet night.

Chat had been patrolling, lazily looking around for any activity, but his thoughts drifted. He'd been considering stopping by to check on Marinette. Halfway through school today, she'd come out of the bathroom drenched from head to toe. She'd refused to explain herself, and avoided his eyes.

Alya had rushed to get her clothes from her locker, but the pigtailed girl had remained stubbornly silent through the rest of the day.

Chat wasn't supposed to know about that, though.

Chewing his lower lip, he was about to head in for the night when he heard a small cry of pain. His ears immediately perked up, and he swiveled, trying to narrow down the source's location.

There it was again. He took off, zeroing in on an alleyway. Dropping down silently, he assessed the dark area when he spied the very girl he'd been worried about.

Marinette was clutching her hands, breathing heavily as she stood in front of the side of a dumpster. Her shoulders were heaving, but tight. He was about to speak when she reared her fist back and hit the side of the dumpster hard enough to dent it.

Another soft hiss of pain escaped her as she clutched her fist, and Chat could see blood on her knuckles. Caution went out the window, and he grabbed her wrist as she pulled back to do it again.