AOT Oneshots/Headcannons

#2 Hange x F!Self Harming!Reader

Requested by FloraPxtalz

Type: Angst with a happy ending

Reader: Fem

Title: Why Can't I Be Like Them?

Hange will be using They/Them

!TRIGGER WARNING FOR
SELF HARMING
EATING DISORDER!

Also reminder all bodies are beautiful regardless if you're plus sized, skinny or average. You are still beautiful but that does not mean all bodies are healthy! A lot of people who struggle with their weight who are underweight or overweight are aware! So I don't want to see comments like "eat more" or "eat less" if it was that simple, they would've done it already.

Another thing, I myself have not struggled with an eating disorder nor self harm. So everything written here may not depict these things accurately.

Y/n's POV

I had just finished my meal for the day, I accidentally ate too much and was now looking at myself in the mirror in the bathroom. I frowned as I stared at my figure

Why can't I be like them? Why do I look like this?

Tears streamed down my face

I've been doing this for weeks and nothing has changed, I'm still ugly. Why? I've barely been eating so why do I still look like this?

I looked over to my left to see a razor. I stared at it as tears streamed down my face

Why can't I look like Historia? Or Annie? They're beautiful, so why can't I look like them?

I shakily picked up the razor

Mikasa, Petra, Sasha, Ymir, Nanaba.. why can't I be pretty like them?

I looked at my arm, the previous cuts are in the process of healing

Look at you, you're damaged... not only are you fat... You're ugly... these marks... no one wants these..

I bring the razor to my skin

Hange probably thinks I'm ugly too..

The initial stinging hurts but soon fades away. I watch the blood as it comes from the cut

They must be so upset at how disgusting I am

I cut once more and watch as the blood travels down my arm. The red color of the blood

You will never be beautiful

I watch as the blood drips onto the ground

Hange's POV

I had just arrived home with groceries

"N/n" I say as I set the groceries down. No response

That's odd

I head to the bedroom

"Y/n? You here?" I ask. No response. I hear silent sobs as I approach the bathroom

Y/n?

I turn the door knob and stare at the scene before me. Tears threaten to fall from my eyes

Y/n's POV

I turned to see Hange staring at me with wide eyes. My eyes widened as I realized I had been caught

"Y/n..." They say shocked. I froze as more tears dropped from my eyes

"I-" I began but stopped as I choked on my own sobs. They walk over and grab a towel

"H-How long?" They ask as tears stream down their face. They take the razor and throw it across the bathroom. They cover my arm with a towel and apply pressure

"I-... 6 months, I don't-... know" I say shakily as I continued to cry

"Why? Why? Why would you do this to yourself?!" They ask as their voice cracks. They stare at me with sad eyes

"No matter what I do... it's never enough... I'm still fat... I'm still ugly... I'm never going to be enough.." I say as my voice cracks. Hange shakes their head

"W-Why do you think those things?! You're none of those things! You're perfect just the way you are! You are perfect to me!" They say

"Please.... don't do this out of pity..." I say

"Why do you assume this is out of pity?!" They ask

"Because... I'm not perfect, I'm nothing like Mikasa or Historia or any of the other girls..." I say

"That's exactly how I like you! If you were like them, I wouldn't be with you! I don't want anyone else but you! I love you and only you!" They say as they hug me and cry into my shoulder.

"I-" I began but was cut off

"Stop doing this to yourself... please... do it for m- no.. Do it for yourself... I don't care how long it takes... I don't care what I have to do... to make you feel like you're beautiful... I will do it..." They say

"Hange..." I say as my eyes widened

"Your baggage is my baggage... rely on me please.." They say. I broke and began sobbing loudly. Hange rubbed my back

"I'm here now, let it all out" They say as I continue crying. After a while I began to calm down. Hange put two hands on my face and looked me in the eyes

"No matter what, I'll always be by your side.. don't forget that" They say

(806 words)
4/18/21