The Ecstasy of Sister Amata

13.Sunday 22nd July 2018 - afternoon

Susie went just before lunch, promising to keep in touch, and as it was a warm day Ella suggested a picnic somewhere; Beatrice knew a good spot in her father's old parish, overlooking the river. Beatrice felt so liberated she changed into the dress from the photo on her mantelpiece, while Ella ditched her jeans for an old pair of Bea's shorts. After a short walk, they lay on the grass in the fresh air to eat, enjoying the sun on their limbs.

They talked more about school and about their careers to that point; Ella explained her research into girls' engagement in community sport, entertaining Beatrice for some time with stories from her years of coaching and playing. She lay on her back with her legs bent at the knee and shaded her face with an arm.

'I was awful at sport, you probably remember.' Beatrice picked a daisy and twirled it in her fingers. 'I was told off at primary school for being more interested in stringing daisy chains. You'd have found me very frustrating to coach.'

'You'd've made an interesting case study for my research, though, as an example of why girls are so easily disengaged from sport.' Ella picked a daisy herself and handed it to Bea. 'Daisy chains are cute, anyway.'

'Not when you're supposed to be playing rounders.' She started linking the little flowers together in her lap, then added a third.

Ella was struck by the bright green of Bea's dress against the paleness of her bare legs. She was used to running around in shorts most of the time, especially in the summer, so had a permanent faint tan; she realised Bea probably very rarely showed her legs, and wondered why she would now. 'I do like you in that dress, Bea.' Ella winced. 'I mean...I like that dress.'

'It's quite nice to wear it again, I haven't done since about when that photo was taken. I'm glad it still fits.' Beatrice smoothed the dress down over her thighs. She glanced over the shape of Ella's hips, and the long expanse of her bare legs. While she felt happy – and unencumbered by doubt, worry or guilt – for the first time in as long as she could remember, there was the sense that there remained one small (but significant) piece of unfinished business between her and Ella. 'I'm impressed how well those old shorts fit you.'

'Well, we're about the same size.' She grinned. 'You borrowed a skirt off me once, after you'd spilt something on yours. Remember? We were both the tallest in our year even then, was it Second Form? No-one else's would fit.'

'I was very anxious that Mum washed it that night, so I could return it to you.' Beatrice added another daisy. 'We didn't really talk to each other much back then.'

'And now look at us.' Ella watched Bea's fingers building up the daisy chain. 'Bea? You think about stuff a lot, everything you do is considered. I know you've got lots of dresses, I saw in your wardrobe when we were changing, and I know you thought about it because I was watching you. So why that dress, today?'

Beatrice glanced at Ella and laid the chain aside, starting a new one. 'It felt right. I can't believe how liberated I feel now, from all the years of burying the whole Amata rubbish and...everything. In fact, the only other time I felt as carefree was that second year in France.' She hoped she was making sense. 'My relationship with Délphine was a very positive thing generally, but one of her real knacks was clothes. She believed in the psychological power of presenting oneself well, and she gradually got me to change my diet of reliably modest skirts and jumpers.' Bea grinned. 'I was hard work, but she was stubborn and knew how to find clothes that looked good and suited me, but were a completely different look. And she was right: for that year, I felt happy with myself, and secure and positive. Whether that was the clothes or the affection of a good woman, or both, I don't know...' She met Ella's eye quickly. 'I suppose I reverted to type a bit after coming back – although I do like to make an effort for performances.'