Collide (Impact Book 2) | h.s. | complete

11. Four

Ten Months Later

~Harry~

“Everyone is in with Matt,” Niall said, his voice rather flat, as he straightened, shifting his weight from leaning on what used to be Tori’s desk. Allegra now sat behind it, her long brown hair pulled into a knot at the top of her hair. I raised a hand to her and she smiled weakly back, her gaze returning to her computer screen.

“Sorry, traffic was really bad.” I said, falling into stride with Niall, who chanced a glance up at me as I pulled my sunglasses from my face.

“Were you out last night?” He asked as I handed him the stack of papers I was carrying under my arm. “I didn’t see you at the house when I got home.”

“I went out with a few friends, yea.”

“Did you bring the memory key with all of the notes on it?” He asked, glancing at me again and my heart sunk.

“Shit… uhh,” I said, patting my pockets. I reached into the front of my black denim jacket and grabbed the small USB that held all of our new songs and as I pulled it out a small baggie fell to the ground. Niall skidded to a stop and knelt as I lunged forward, trying to get to it before he did, but I failed. He wrapped his fingers around the bag of white powder and his eyes slowly slid from it, up to meet my gaze. 

"Niall..." I said weakly, trying as hard as I could to come up with a cover story.

“What is this…?” He asked, standing, towering over me as I hadn’t had the chance to get off the ground yet. I stood, and reached for it.

“I just bought it last night and I don’t know why…I-”

“So you’re doing coke now…” He said turning the bag over in his hand a few times. "That's what this is, right? This is cocaine."

“ Yes. I mean no...I'm not doing coke, I told you I just bought it last night and I was-” i fumbled through my sentence.

“Have you been using cocaine?” He asked and the air was heavy around us. I didn’t respond because I didn’t need to, Niall knew the answer. “She wouldn’t have wanted this man…” he said after a moment, making the first mention of Tori in nearly ten months. None of us had spoken of her since that night in the alley, and I had intended to keep it that way. The pain that I felt was still insurmountable, however I had developed ways to numb it and push it away, and it helped that everyone else was doing the same.

“Are you boys coming in?” Matt asked, poking his head out of his office. Niall closed his hand and shoved it in the pocket of his pants, nodding.

“We’re coming.” He said, glancing at me, then starting for the door. I nodded, smiling at Matt, then glanced back at Allegra who’s eyes bore into me and reached straight into my soul the same way Tori’s had thousands of times. She had heard our entire conversation. Her eyes lingered on mine for a moment, hooded and dark. Then, like nothing had happened at all, she blinked as if in slow motion and turned back to her computer screen. I shook my head vigorously and followed Niall into the office, taking my seat beside Louis who took a deep breath and squeezed my knee encouragingly.

“Alright then, let’s get started.” Matt said, tapping some papers on the desk. “I’ve looked over the songs, chords, demos etcetera and I love it all it’s really incredible work boys.”

“It was really all Harry,” Liam piped up.

“Ed helped a lot...but they are mostly Tori’s ideas and words, I just put them together.” I said flatly, maintaining eye contact with Matt who stared back and raised his eyebrows.

“She’s was a talented girl.” Zayn said after Matt cleared his throat uncomfortably.

“Is.” I said, sitting up straighter and rolling my shoulders. “She is a very talented girl-”

“And you’re all agreeable to these songs making up the entirety of the next album?” Matt interrupted after a few moments and we each nodded. “Great, I’m going to send these to the technicians and we should be able to get you guys in studio starting Monday. What are you all thinking about the next tour? Have you talked about it?" And just like that, all eyes were on me.

“Uh, I’m sure everyone else is eager to get back out on the road, but I’m not sure I’m ready for that type of commitment right now…” I stuttered, feeling my palms prickle with sweat.

“That type of commitment?” Zayn said, leaning forward in his chair so that he could see me clearly past Louis. “This whole entire thing is a commitment and always has been, nothing has changed.”

“Everything has changed, Zayn, and at no fault of any of yours. We, as your management, failed you. We brought someone in who was not ready for the type of life that you all have grown accustomed to and I have nothing and no one to blame but myself. So, for that I am sorry. I’m so sorry.” Matt’s voice cracked and he looked down at his desk before taking a deep breath.

“Harry, it would be four months before we could start the tour, and in the meantime we will be working on the album and recording, doing press, you could take it slow and steady and only do what you’re comfortable with.” Laim said, and I thought for a moment before nodding.

“You’re right, I’m just in such a strange place right now…”

 "And that’s okay, I think that we all are.” Louis said, patting my knee again. “None of us expected any of this, but we lived a nightmare and we came out the other side.”

“What about the press, they will want to know why we’re back down to five…”

“We simply say Tori was a guest feature on Midnight Memories and we’ve gone with a different feel for this album.” Matt said, clicking his pen a few times.

“What do we say if asked…you know…” Niall spoke for the first time, wringing his hands nervously.

“Where she is?” Liam finished for him.

“We say she’s taking a backseat doing behind the scenes work.” Matt said and we all nodded.

“Okay.” I said closing my eyes.

“Yes? So we should start booking the venues?”

“Book them.” I said and Liam cracked a wide grin.

“We’re going on tour lads!” Niall leapt from his seat and jumped across us, latching onto me and I found the pain alleviated for a few moments for the first time in months.