Collide (Impact Book 2) | h.s. | complete

13. Lay Me Down

~Harry~

“Are you sleeping, baby, by yourself, or are you giving it to someone else?” I pushed, my throat burning as I sang. Frustrated, I ripped my headphones from my ears and tossed them aside.

“Whoa, that’s a couple hundred dollars you’re just tossing around.” Matt’s voice came over the speakers in the room and I rolled my eyes.

“I can’t fucking do it,” I said, shrugging.

“Come on out then, Zayn, in.” Zayn held the door for me as I walked out and gave me a pat on the back.

“I know it’s hard.” Matt said as I threw myself into the nearest swiveling chair, lunching forwards and resting my head in my hands. I rubbed my eyes. God I should be drunk right now, I thought.

“They’re her words, about me.” I said as the technician, Mike, waved for Zayn to begin. “It’s so hard to sing them.”

“I know, but is it helping you at all? You seem like you’re in a better place.”

“Yea, I guess so.” I lied. Or I’ve been drunk or stoned since Friday night and I’m numb, I thought, licking my lips. “What if I can’t perform them…”

“You’ll be so used to them by then, it won’t be a problem, and if it is, we give you all group chorus’ and no solos.”

“People aren't gonna be down for that,” Niall said, nodding along to the faint sound of Zayn’s vocals.

“Can I get some quiet in here guys?” Mike asked, pulling his headphones off of one ear.

“Of course,” Matt said, ushering me out of the booth after shooting Zayn two thumbs up, which were almost instantaneously returned from the booth. “You need to go home, rest up, we’ll lay down what we had without you and you can come back in the morning, fresh start, okay?” He said, guiding me out, an arm hooked around my shoulders.

“Yea, I’m sorry I’m so useless right now.”

“Harry, I get it.” He stopped and I turned towards him. “I lost my brother not too long ago. My partner in crime, my best friend. Then I lost his daughter, one of the most precious people in my life. Now there’s strain on my marriage and on my relationship with Allegra and Audra, the only family that I have. So I get it, I understand feeling useless, I understand feeling empty and I understand that singing those words and knowing that one day she will probably hear them," he paused, his shoulder slumping, "Probably breaks your heart in a thousand peices. I understand it all, but what I don’t understand is why you wont just let that pain drive you to be better. I don’t know why you’re trying to numb all of the pain instead of just feeling it and letting it be what it is. Pain. You are in pain. Let yourself feel it or you’ll never be able to feel anything else again.” My face twisted and crumpled and I felt myself redden. Tears poured over my cheeks and Matt, nodded, his lips pursed.

“I know.” I said simply, nodding. I swiped at my cheeks and looked up at the ceileing willing the salty droplets away. As Matt tugged me into a tight hug, the elevator doors open and Liam appeared, his eyes wide and bloodshot.

“Oh, uh…” He stuttered, stepping forwards, then back again.

“Are you alright?” I asked as Matt released me, extending an arm to keep the elevator door open.

“Oh, yea, for sure. Am I needed in the studio? I’m not feeling so great…”

“Uh, we do need you. Why what’s wrong?”

“Family emergency.” Liam said. He was pale, his vibrant brown eyes looked tired.

“Do you need to go home?” I asked and he shook his head, blinked hard, and then nodded once.

“Yea, you know what I probably should.” He said, stepping aside so that I could get into the elevator beside him. Matt looked from me to Liam and nodded.

“Take the week, what’s a few days, right?” With that, he turned on his heel and walked back towards the studio. As the elevator doors closed I looked at Liam whose eyes were trained to the shiny white floor tiles.

“Is it your mom? Is she okay?” I asked and he shook his head.

“No it isn’t my mom."

“Let me drive you to the airport, I’m heading home anyway and-"

“It’s fine.” He murmured as he stormed down the hall and out the door.

“What’s going on? He was sitting in his car for like…an hour before.” Allegra said and I looked at her, not having noticed that she was at her desk.

“I don’t know, something at home apparently…” I started for the door but turned as Allegra called my name.

“What are you doing tonight, Haz, do you want to come watch a movie or something, I haven’t spent time with you in forever…” Her blue eyes peered up at me and I felt my lip twitch.

“Can’t.” I said, sliding my sunglasses onto my nose and turning for the door.

“Rain check?” She asked, and I raised my hand in a half-hearted wave, not bothering to turn around.