My Life: Choosing life and trusting in God

This is my story. What's yours?

i was adopted from Hyderabad, India when I was 18 months old. I came to America and was adopted by a caucasian family. I lived in the south all my life. Orlando, florida from 1996-1998. Plano, Texas from 1998-2005. Roswell, Georgia from 2005-2010. Seminole, Florida from 2010-2013. then finally moved without my family to Wixom, Michigan. from 2014 to present. I had an older brother; he is 5 years older than me. he is adopted from Florida. anyway. i don’t remember anything until i turned the age of 4 years old. I was a very active little girl. I was involved in indoor and outdoor soccer, basketball, sideline cheerleading, competition allstar cheerleading (I was nominated Top All- American Cheerleader by NCA--National Cheerleaders Association and I am a year round champion for all my allstar teams.), dance (tap, jazz, ballet, hip hop, The Nutcracker Production, Dance Company, and acrobatics..), i did karate like only the white belt-- my brother finished his karate and is a black belt in Tae Kwan Do. I love to sing and write poems and draw. but between all of that. I was physically  abused by my “mother” from kindergarten to 4th grade. She punched me, shoved me, gave me bloody noses, threw me on the ground and stepped on me, hit me, ripped my skin off my face and left bloody scratches. though the last one I said about the bloody scratches-- i went to school the next day and i still had bloody remains on my face and was scratched up pretty bad. but fortunately- social services came to my school that day to talk to me and take pictures of my face. probably my teachers told the authorities. my mom had to sign a paper saying she would not hurt me physically on purpose again. she said it was my fault they they got involved. she denied everything. and then in third grade (2003). i was about 9 or 10 years old. my brother (adopted one who is 5 years older than me.) he raped me continuously everyday for that whole year. the very first time was the most disgusting memory and traumatic experience i ever had. i remember every part of the incident. and all the other times he did again, i remember them too. he told me if i ever told anyone he would kill me. so as a child of young age, i did not have the guts to speak up to anyone. then my parents had me going to a therapist and a psychiatrist all my life. at a very young age. they diagnosed me with ADHD. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. they had me on medication for the disorder to try to calm the symptoms. okay then we moved to georgia in 2005 which is my fifth grade year in school. years go by. and highschool. starts. that’s where i met the love of my life, Brannen (He serves a United States Marine). he saved me from committing suicide at school. he saved my life. Brannen and I became so close in that one year. but i had got into alot of trouble. i almost went to jail because i stole 5 iPods at my school from students i disliked and jailbroke them. but the cop let me stay but i was in out of school suspension for 5 days. and i got into other bad trouble with teachers and stupid stuff that made me get in school suspension alot. throughout all of that, i was very suicidal and depressed. i never cut myself where i bleed. but i wanted to die. i ended up saying “i wanted to shoot myself” infront of the school principle, cop, assistant principle, therapist, and mother one day when i was getting in-school-suspension for cyber bullying a girl on facebook. when i did not understand cuz i was letting her know that she might get beat up by someone soon, but i wasn’t part of it. i was just warning her. and they said that was cyberbullying. then i was sent to a lockdown rehabilitation center. it sucked, i was there for 7 days. brannen was glad to see me when i got out and came back to school. but he didn’t know that i was going to be moving. i didn’t even know. but i didn't even get to say goodbye to him for the summer. so i moved july 2010 to florida with my family. and the next year at school- brannen looked all over for me. he didnot have a good year. he was not happy there because i was not there. he told me he would find me if i ever left georgia. and he promised he would. i had his email and stuff. and his number. so we stayed in touch and reconnected 2 years later. like 2011. i was still suicidal myself. i wanted to kill myself so bad. but i knew it would not help and i would let down everyone who ever backed me up and ever pushed me to stay strong. i would let down my Lord, and my bestest friend- Brannen. so i tried to push through. then on November 1, 2010. I tore my ACL in my left knee at my competition cheerleading practice. i was doing a tumbling pass and landed wrong. it ended my allstar career. i still haven’t fully recovered. it sucks. but it made me even more depressed. i did graduated from highschool in 2013. then i went to college, Saint Leo University. though because my parents never gave me freedom like how it is in college. i screwed up. i ended up losing my virginity on the 3rd day of attending college. i regret everything about that. i said i would never have sex before marriage. i ended up having sex everyday. and it didn’t do me any good. the boyfriend i had at the time, he used me, he ended up telling me i was his fuck buddy. so the sex didn’t mean anything. i believe that i gave myself to these guys because i was raped at a young age, i never knew what sex really was and i wanted to be loved. but i try to be loved in the wrong way. throughout all of that. i was still suicidal, i did the suicidal talk. brannen came down to visit me. he asked me to marry him. i said “yes”. he and i love each other so much. he has sacrificed so much for me. and then i was getting expelled from living on the campus like in the dorms because of my suicidal talk. they said you keep saying you want to commit suicide, and since you didn’t go through with it we have to kick you off living on campus. yea… not very cool. so then my parents gave me 2 choices. either i go fend for myself, they give me all my money i earned from my jobs, and they would give me all my stuff and i would go live on my own. or i could go to a treatment center for 30 days to get better and mentally stable and then i could come home and there would be rules but i could live with them. so brannen convinced me to go to the treatment center. i did it for him because i wanted to be healthy for our relationship and be stable when i moved up to michigan to live with him. so i went to the treatment center for 5 weeks and 3 days. i was diagnosed with Bipolar  Disorder Type 1 Severe: mood swings, panic attacks, and impulsiveness. when my “mother” found out. she did not want me home. the doctors said that they believe this disorder came about because all these years i have been on medication that i wasn’t supposed to be on because i never had ADHD. the doctors in the past diagnosed me wrong all these years. so my “mother” doesn’t want me to come home. she is very controlling. and my “father” goes along with it. so he agreed. my “father” got me when i was dismissed from the treatment center, he took me to a group home in the hood of st. pete, florida. it was like 15 minutes from where they lived. they never came to see me. and get this. they sent my belongings to me through UPS. like why couldn’t they have brought my items to me? then i couldn’t stay at the group home; one because i found out my parents didn’t even pay for me to stay there… and they are well off. so i was hurt that they were not paying for me to stay at the group home. so i was there on a free house grant. and then it was in the hood. so there was a gang outside the group home that already raped a local girl and paralyzed her from the waist down because they gang raped her and stuck a knife up her vagina and cut a nerve; paralyzing her. and they cut her side of her face too, she was hospitalized for a while. and on mlk jr. day a person got shot right outside of our group home. the group home was located on mlk blvd. so there was a parade outside that day and someone was shot. there was fights every day in the group home. police always getting called. so i left. and branne wasn’t happy with the unsafe environment i was in. so he got me a ticket and i moved in with him in his apartment he just moved into. i moved in like a few days after he got his apartment. i have been in Michigan since feb 2014. 2014. big culture and weather shock. but it’s okay. and my “mother” won’t let my “father” talked to me or it will cost their marriage. they rest of the family does not agree with my “mother” but they can’t say anything. and brannen’s parents tried telling my parents they are wrong. but they aren’t listening. my “mother” keep lying to people and making me the bad guy. but everyone know what really happened.

so i haven’t talked to my parents since May 2014. almost a year. though they sent me a  birthday present in september… but sit there and tell everyone they have no clue where i am. but they said i could come live with brannen. my “mother” specifically said she thought it would be a good idea. so i have been through trauma and life lessons. but i kept my faith strong. and i grew close to God. now i am just dealing with my mental disorder, and trying to let go of my past (i did recently send my “mother” a letter saying that i forgave her.), and i am trying to get over this sickness i have had since august (been vomiting every day and everything; had a medical procedure done-- they didn’t find anything wrong in my stomach. and i have lost over 20 pounds in the last 3 months. i have been in the hospital a lot and become very weak. i pray everyday that God heals me and a miracle will happen and I can stop throwing up. i haven’t thrown up as much but i still do throw up.), and just strengthening my Faith and knowing God has a plan for each one of us here on this Earth. He is using me to help others who have been through what i have been through. i am here to help people stay strong and not give up and to tell them there is a light at the end of the tunnel. i celebrate my 1 year engagement with Brannen on November 20,2014 and on november 28,2014 i will be one year not suicidal. i  become so strong and been so well. also, i forgot to say that yes i told my parents 9 years later (2009- freshman year in highschool) about my brother raping me. my “mother” did not want to believe me even as i told her the evidence. and my “father” i can’t tell what he thinks. but my “mother” makes him go with what she believes. she said i was sick and wrong for saying that my brother did such a thing. i am hurt that she would think i would lie about rape. about that situation. she denies a lot. and it’s a struggle. but i am writing my book and i am going to publish it. i am going to inspire the world around me and the young people who think they can’t do it. i will share my story to show them that All things are possible through God.