Self Harm, Anorexia, Bulimic, Suicide attempt story.

Standing in the bathroom,staring in the mirror, "Why am I doing this to myself?" I knew it, I've lost myself on a tiny error. Then there's that voice. It's always there. "You need to be smaller, smaller, smaller." I turn to my right, I kneel down. I stick my fingers to the back of my throat, and close my eyes tight. Up comes breakfast, and last nights dinner. I do it over, and over again until I quiver into a fetal position. The room spins. The pain is worth it if I want the hip bones, flat stomach, the thigh gap.

I think about it all. My fat body, the rape, everything. It hits me all at once. I sit up slowly, grabbing the only thing that's there for me. The razor. I throw my arm, and slide the blasé across my skin. Everything stops. All the pain of yesterday and today is gone. I feel the high. Ultimate. I smile with tears in my eyes. Blood. I'm proud, but yet ashamed.

The voice is back. " You're fat. Everyone would be better off without you." This time, the voice wins. It's right. No one loves me. I leave my bathroom and head to the closet. I snatch a belt off the bright yellow hanger. It breaks. I don't care. I reach up and tie the belt around the bar that my clothes should be hanging on. I tie the belt around my neck. I release my feet off the ground. My breathing, it's gone. Slowly I'm flying away. "Emily, honey dinner...." She doesn't finish her sentence. She runs to me. Taking my lifeless body down off the rack. I'm still here..