you live rent free in my mind

i am a heaping mess

Bin was 12 when he discovered that he is in no ordinary family.

He and his father play golf along with the company's investors as a form of past time, and his dad had told him that it was right that he play those games because it was for gentlemen. Apparently boys his age were more inclined to pursue more physically demanding sports when he was choosing a club to get into in high school. There was no golf club to join, nor casual players of the sport that he could converse with. They had said it was "a game for old, rich men". Bin slightly agreed with the statement. After all, he and his sister were the only kids at the golf resort every time their family plays, yet he was still in denial of the vast fortune his family holds.

His sister didn't even like golf. Ji Hye liked to stay at home, baking or doing whatever girls her age does. During their time outside she'll prefer to read on the golf cart while the men clapped at whoever was swinging the golf club. Fifteen years later, she'll still be doing that, but with her husband and his friends.

He was 24 when he decided that his family was dysfunctional.

Bin overheard his father talk with Ji Hye as he walks by his father's study one night. He was coming home from sneaking out to drink with his friends, and the gradual increase and aggressiveness of the tone of their voices led him to slightly put his ear behind the door in order to listen.

"You will marry Seung Heon and that is final." The thundering boom of his father's voice shakes him. Memories of his father's looming figure tormented him as a boy - the one thing he fears the most is being reprimanded by the one man he admires the most. Bin imagines his sister, sitting down on the chair as their father goes back and forth by the window and his seat. She must've been scared.

"But father please, it's the 21st century. I am not someone you can ship off like a possession. I have a life!" She pleads, her voice shaking. A few scuffles here and there, and a slapping sound can be heard from inside. He decided that's enough, and heads back to his room.

Bin was 39 when all of the small fragments of her made way into his mind as he looks at the coffin with his sister's picture on top of it.

His mother's friends come by and they take up most of the space, sobs filling up the hospital hallway like smoke would when a house was on fire. His knees were starting to give up - he hadn't been sleeping for two days now from greeting guests. Bin felt sorry for his niece - she'd been with her grandmother for the rest of the service, grappling with the sudden death of her mother, the news of the supposed divorce of her parents, as well as talking to guests.

To his right, Seung Heon's face was a bit weary now. Bin's father had loathed him for goading his daughter for divorce through text, and he deemed it as right when Seung Heon suffered a massive bruise from his ailing father's slap. Then again, they need to keep all their emotions in check during her service.

When his mother's friends had left, Bin could finally breathe. The sobs were too much for him.

His eyes start to close, conforming to the wishes of his body that was beaten down on a week of stress and grief. His father nudges his arm, and Bin jolts awake in response. Apparently, the sleepiness wasn't the reason for his father's nudge - it was Ye Jin by the door, holding her bag with her hair tied up in a bun that she might have done last minute due to how it looks.

She shares a pointed look at him, and paid her respects to Ji Hye. Bin remembers the moment he himself drove his car to her clinic the afternoon as soon as he learned about his niece's whereabouts. He had explained to her what had happened, and Ye Jin can only nod and advised him on how to break the news to Yuna.

Despite the fact that they weren't talking much due to how busy the both of them are, he was thankful to her for helping Yuna while he figure things out.