Too Soon
I wake with a gasp, with my heart nearly pounding out of my chest. I feel as if I’ve been falling off of a skyscraper. I take a deep breath and try to calm my racing heart. An arm moves across the sheet to take a hold of my hand. “You okay, angel?” He says, concern filling his voice.
Immediately my body relaxes and my mind is calm. “Yeah babe,” I respond quietly, “just another dream.” There had been more of them lately. This one had been me running through a forest, tripping, and falling like Alice down a dark, narrow chasm. The only similarity between them was that I was always, painfully alone, and it was cold.
I settle back into bed beside him, letting my head rest against his chest. The smooth rhythm of his breathing soon lulled me back towards sleep, and his steady heartbeat comforted me, proving that I would never be alone. I let myself relax, but stayed awake, unwilling to let myself dream again. Sensing this bit of tension in me, he turns and wraps me in his arms. The warmth surrounds me, chasing away the cold from the last dream. He presses a kiss to my forehead, then the corner of my eye, down to my cheek, then whispers in my ear, “Don’t worry love, I’m here. Try to sleep, you need it.” He was right, of course; I hadn’t been sleeping much since these dreams started a few weeks ago. Then again, he was usually right and I just wouldn’t admit it.
Sighing, I slid my hands over his shoulders and held him close. He buried his face in my neck and soon his breathing grew slow and steady as he fell asleep in my arms. I laid there with him for the rest of the night, but still did not let myself drift off. Lack of sleep, I could deal with. These plaguing dreams? Not so much.
The hours pass as I lay there with him. To distract myself from the haunting dreams, I replayed the memories I shared with him. Our walks on the beach, the restaurant he’d taken me to on our first date after a year of long distance. The day we first met when he walked into the shop I worked at. The first kiss he gave me outside my favorite coffee shop. The pain of saying words I didn’t mean as my parents tried to tear us apart. The way he held me in the airport for our reunion. The way his voice trembled slightly as he told me how he loved me and he sank to one knee in front of me.
That last memory made my heart skip a beat. I could feel the weight of the ring he’d given me on the ring finger of my left hand. I shifted slightly, trying to move closer to him as the first rays of sunshine crept through our window. He made a slight sound and his arms tightened around me, pulling me closer as he kissed my neck. “Good morning, angel” he mumbled through my hair as he pulled back. His hand moved up from my waist to cup my face as he looked into my eyes. After a soft kiss on my lips, he left the bed to head to the shower.
Ten minutes later he re-entered the room to me in front of my mirror, fully dressed, putting on my makeup. He walked up behind me and pulled me up out of my chair and into his arms. I laughed and tried to push away “I’m only half done with my makeup, hold on.” I smiled at him. This made him hold me closer.
“You don’t need that stuff angel, you’re beautiful already. Now dance with me.” He touched my lips with a sweet kiss then started humming an old song we liked. We danced around the room, knocking over a stack of books that I’d been collecting by the bed. After spinning me around and pressing another kiss, he let me go back to the mirror. Recalling the words he had said, I only put on a little, blaming the shining in my face on him.
A little while later I grab my keys off of the counter and press a kiss to his cheek. “See you for lunch?” I ask before I open the front door. I look back at him as he leaned against the counter in his army uniform, finishing off a bagel. It was a simple moment like this that stunned me. He was so unbelievably perfect. It wasn’t just the beauty of his face, but the way he looked at me. It wasn’t just the strong muscles of his body, but the gentleness in which he held me. He loves me. He loves me, and he is mine. The thought runs through my head as I again felt the weight of his ring on my finger.
“Yeah, meet you at Maria’s?” he replies. The little café is a place we meet at often, and they always reserve the patio corner table for us. It’s one of my favorite spots.
I dash back over to him and kiss him firmly before I head out the door. “Sounds good” I say, smiling back at him and closing the door behind me. I touch my fingertips to my lips as I step into my car, remembering the feel of his kiss.
There is no way I deserve the man who loves me, but I am never letting him go. These thoughts run through my head the rest of the morning, while I help each of the patients in the clinic. The clock cannot move fast enough, I keep looking over at it, waiting for my lunch break to start. As soon as noon rolls around, I jump in my car and try not to speed too much on the way to Maria’s.
I pull up to the café and see him already at our table. I smile at him and he stands to come greet me. Behind me I hear the screeching of tires and suddenly everything is slow motion. A brown SUV skids past me with a man leaning out of the backseat window. He screams out, “Hey, army bastard!” I hear the words he says but I comprehend them just a second too late. I reach forward, to try to get to him but he’s too far away, on the other side of the patio. I scream a “No!” as the man takes a gun out and pulls the trigger.
Time snaps back and I see him fall to the ground, the SUV already far down the street. Suddenly I’m leaning over him, trying to stop the blood. It’s everywhere… I think. I can’t save him. “No. No, damn it, no!” I scream out. “You can’t do this, you can’t just leave me!” I feel myself falling, just like I had in my dream. But it was wrong, it wasn’t cold. It was so hot, everywhere, red and pouring out and there’s nothing I can do.
He reaches up slowly, touches my face gently. “Angel, it’s okay. I love you,” he mutters. “I won’t leave.” The pain in his face is too much, his breathing shallow. I hear the sirens in the distance but it’s too far away. He’s bleeding too much, the red staining his army uniform. If he hadn’t been wearing it, would he be holding me now, instead? I can’t help the thought, I’d always worried when the army would take him away from me. Too soon. Far too soon.
He closes his eyes against the pain, his hands curling into fists. Suddenly, his muscles relax and a low breath escapes his lips. I take his face in my hands, screaming at him, shaking him. Please, please no, don’t go. I hold him close, still screaming. People around us try to pull me away, murmuring words of comfort and sorrow. I can’t hear them over my screaming. The ambulance arrives, and the paramedics manage to pull me away. Two people hold me back as they check him. I see one drop his head and hear him mutter, “Gone.”
I stop struggling at that, the word ringing in my ears. Gone.. He’s gone. He’s gone. He’s gone.
