"There comes a point where the desire to rest overrides the desire to live." Derek tells her as they sit on the log watching the waves crash against the shore. "You got that. You gave me permission to go. You told me it was okay. You got me. You gave me everything I needed until my last breath."
"I want you closer." she sighed turning towards him.
"You're worried about the kids."
She was worried about the kids. She didn't want them to grow up without parents. Abandoned and alone. That's no way to grow up. They already lost their father. She didn't want them to grow up an orphan because she was being selfish. But at the same time, she was always selfless. Couldn't this one thing be done for her? She missed Derek. He had always been her safe space.
"People love you Meredith. People need you." He said. He was only inches from her yet there was a magnetic force that wouldn't let them touch.
"I'm tired." She said simply.
"Your body's tired. But your soul? Your soul wont even let me near you. You're still fighting."
"Have you.." she squirmed on the log. Uncertain of if she wanted to bring up this particular subject or not. "seen the last one or two years?"
"Yeah," he nods lightly.
"Was..was that hard for you?"
"It's harder watching you be lonely." He sighed. He just wanted her to be happy. "I want to say you're beautiful but it's shallow." He shook his head.
"Say "You're pretty on the inside. That's what I tell Zola to say. Be pretty on the inside." she smiles.
"You're pretty on the inside Meredith Grey." They were so close. He just wanted to touch. Just for a moment. "It's not your time yet." He sighed.
"There's no pain here." She looked at him and then back at the ocean. The seagulls, the sand. It was so peaceful.
"You want to know a secret?" he whispered to her. "I even miss the pain. You have to go."
"I'm so tired."
"It's not your time yet. Our kids need you." he gave her his McDreamy smile.
She could hear Zola's voice. She was being pulled back to reality. Derek was walking away. She felt pressure on her chest. The pain. She could feel it. That meant she was waking up. She opened her eyes slowly. She saw Zola. Her baby girl was with her. "That's so nice of you ZoZo."
"Mommy!" The girl screeched happily hugging her mother tightly.
"We missed you so much Zo. We love you so much." She said hugging her daughter back lightly as she noticed all the cords and wires in her chest and arms.
They continued to hug. Meredith could see everyones eyes on her from outside of her room. Most were crying and hugging but she could tell they were happy. She felt like crap. She felt as though a brick was sitting on her chest and she needed to cough. Teddy walked in moments later smiling.
"You're up Meredith." She said, sighing helplessly in relief. Meredith started coughing recklessly.
"Zozo," she continued to cough, struggling to continue her sentence. "can you.."
"Mommy, what's wrong?" Zola asked worriedly, getting off her mothers bed.
"Zola, can you step outside for a second? Your aunts and uncle's are right outside." Teddy asked the girl.
"No mommy!" The girl whined, upset. The nurse removed her from the room and walked her to her aunts.
After another minute or two Meredith was able to stop. "Water." She asked. The recovery was going to be tough but she had to do it. She knew Derek was watching down on her now.
