Be Mine

Secret Admirer

MONDAY

Whenever he saw Cas he couldn’t help but stare. Cas was beautiful. Sure, beautiful wasn’t a word he often used when describing a guy, but it really was the best possible description for him. Other words he thought of when he watched Cas moving around the school were graceful, gentle, and on occasion, elegant. Of course he couldn’t possibly tell him that. Cas didn’t know he existed.

As he walked into school the Monday before Valentine’s Day his eyes were immediately assaulted by red hearts that hung on every door, and banners hanging every fifty feet from the ceiling advertising the dance that Saturday, and the fundraiser that was going to be going on all week long. The only reason that he even stopped to read what was on the banner was because Charlie had popped up on his right and was reading it out loud to him as she pointed up at it.

“Dean! This is your chance to tell Cas you like him!” She exclaimed as she tugged on his jacket and pointed.

“Charlie! Shut up!” He hissed and looked around at the people that filing in around them. No one was paying them any mind, but he was still nervous. What if Cas walked in right at that moment?

She looked up at him and frowned. “You’ve been drooling over him for six years now Dean. You really should just man up and tell him.”

“I can’t. I doubt he’d feel the same way.” His voice was small and she could hear the worry in it.

“Dean, but you don’t know that for sure. Look, send him one of the carnations meant to be from a secret admirer. They let you include a small message. It can’t hurt, right?” She asked.

Maybe she had a point. No one had to know it was him that sent it, right? Except the person taking his order. That person would know. And nobody knew he was gay. He preferred it that way.

“I can’t, someone might see and tell.”

“Fine. Come with me. Give me the money, I’ll buy the flower, give you the paper to fill out, and then I’ll turn it in and the only person that gets seen will be me, and everyone already knows I’m a lesbian. I’m not ashamed of who I am.” She gave him a pointed look and he grunted, moving down the hall towards his locker. She was right, he had nothing to be ashamed of, this school was progressive and people were nice, but he was afraid that word would get back to his parents. What if his dad was disappointed? Or his mom? Only his brother Sam knew his secret, and Charlie. They both accepted him. He hoped that one day soon he wouldn’t be afraid to tell his parents and the rest of his friends. Charlie was grabbing his sleeve and directing him past his locker.

“Where are we going?” He asked, still mildly annoyed with her.

“To buy a flower.” She replied.

The table was set up just outside the cafeteria and they read the poster hanging off of it. Red was for love, pink was for friendship, white was for secret admirer. A fairly simple system really. He handed Charlie the two dollars that it cost for the flower and she combined it with two of her own. As he watched she requested one red carnation and one white. The girl that took down her order looked like she hated her life and could care less what color flowers she was giving to who. Maybe Dean could send one later without anyone looking at him funny. Charlie was scribbling down a message on the paper meant for the red flower and she slid the other piece to him. He picked up one of the pens on the table and considered what he should write on the little scrap of paper. He wasn’t expressive with his feelings so he felt that something short and sweet might work best.

Cas,

I know that you have no idea I even exist, but I’ve known for years that you have. You are beautiful in every sense of the word. I know I’d never have a chance with you, but I just wanted to let you know that someone out there does like you. A lot. I hope you have a great Valentine’s Day.