Which life Bugaboo? I've got nine

Begin Again

Marinette POV

Once we are in the privacy of my room I hear Tikki's small voice chime from my purse.

"Are you okay Marinette?" I see her bright eyes peek out in the darkness. She knows me better than anyone. It's like she could hear my heart cleave into two when I saw Kagami and Adrien lean into each other.

"No," I answer. There's no point in lying to Tikki.

"Maybe you can talk to Alya? Maybe it will help..." She suggests.

Talking to a friend does sound like a good idea. But not Alya. Or the other girls. They're in too deep. They know too much. I doubt they would be of any real help. I just need someone who won't lie to me or sugarcoat things. Who could tell me upfront what I should do. My heart tells me that Adrien is the one but my head tells me that a good friend would let my friends be together and let them be happy.

I can just hear my friends now, urging me to tell Adrien how I feel before he gets in too deep with Kagami. That sounds grand and romantic, but at the same time it also sounds cruel. I don't want to play with his feelings or force him to choose. I should just let him be happy. Even if it breaks my own heart.

"I just need some fresh air and a moment to think. Tikki! Spots on!"

Adrien's POV

"I enjoyed our ice cream date," Kagami beams. I did too. It was the first time in a while when I wasn't thinking of Ladybug and what she was doing and with who. I felt like I could breath in the crisp Paris air without a hopeless pang in my chest. But even as I am here with Kagami I still can't shake her familiar blue eyes out of my mind.

Kagami's fingers slip into mine as we walk along the boardwalk. Her thin fingers grip mine with confidence as she leads me to her place. We walk in silence, but it is a comfortable one. Kagami doesn't always blather on like other girls. She talks when she needs to, and she keeps the silence when she doesn't. I like that about her. She lets me think.

"I did too," I answer her and she looks at me expectantly before leaning in for another kiss. I can't bring myself to kiss her again. So I lean slightly so her lips land on my cheek. She looks hurt briefly but she puts her poker face back on before I can detect anything else of her feelings.

"So... are we together Adrien?" She asks bluntly.

I take a step back. This is all too fast. I don't want to hurt her.

"Kagami... I'm not.. I don't know if I am ready..." I stammer.

"You still aren't over her? I thought you liked me? I thought you wanted to be with me?" She's hurt and a tear springs to her eyes but she blinks them away quickly as she takes a step back from me and crosses her arms.

I reach for her hand but she jerks it away from me, my words come out a frantic mess, "I want too! I think I could. I think if I had some more time I could really like you Kagami. Maybe even love you... I just need more time."

"More time?" she asks quietly.

"I'm just not ready yet. I don't know when I will be. But I want too. You don't know how bad I want to. Life would be so much easier if I met you first," The words tumble.

She places a delicate hand on my cheek and gives me a wry smile, "Let me know when you're ready. For now we can stay fencing friends. I'll see you at school Adrien." She turns and enters her home.

A few blocks away is when I notice her. On the rooftop. Perched on the rooftop. The same rooftop that I lit up with candles for our date that never happened. She hugs her knees to her chest and she's just sitting there with her face buried in her arms.