58 things to do in Walmart.

Um, this is 58 things to do in Walmart, and I'm gonna do a chapter for each of them. In each chapter, I'll put the list at the bottom of it, and bold the ones that have been done. So...    yeah...

58 FUN THINGS TO DO AT WALMART

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4. Start playing football; see how many people you can get to join in.

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, “I think we’ve got a Code 3 in Housewares,” and see what happens.

11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to “10″.

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, “Hi! I haven’t seen you in so long!…” etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, “Who BUYS this junk, anyway?”

15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you’re taking it for a “test drive.”

17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, “Wow. Magic!”

20. Put M&M’s on layaway.

21. Move “Caution: Wet Floor” signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you’ll let them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can “catch” from the other aisles.

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,”…I’m Batman. Come, Robin, to the Batmobile!”

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell “hello” upside down.

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, “Why won’t you people just leave me alone?”

30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., “Do you have any Shnerples here?”

31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with BatFamily vs. the X-Men.

32. Take bets on the battle described above.

33. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from “Mission: Impossible.”

35.  Find Bat-Family action figures and have fun.

36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.

37. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40. Say things like, “Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?”

41. Set up a “Valet Parking” sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: “Marco Polo.”

43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle, etc.

44. “Re-alphabetize” the CD’s in Electronics.

45. Put random objects in peoples carts when they aren't looking.

46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.

47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “No, no! It’s the voices again!”

49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don’t get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

51. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice the Batman theme song.

52. Try putting different pairs of women’s panties on your head and walk around the store casually.

53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.

54. Nonchalantly “test” the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, “Red Rover!”

56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you put on makeup.

57. Set up another battlefield with Batman vs. Red Hood (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!!)

58. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.