The Thoughts Of A Teenager

Regret

i was looking at her face, such a perfect beauty.
but she doesn't seem to notice how beautiful she actually is.
it's actually sad to think that society has corrupted her mind so much that it makes her hate herself.
she looks up at the stars while taking a drag of the cigarette she stole from her mother.
she wouldn't notice anyways.
i decided not to question her any further on her mother.
"have you ever...have you ever had those days were you look at your life and think...this all...everything...it's all a lie?"
she turns to the right looking at me, a hint of sadness evident in her extraordinary blue orbs.
"you go day by day through life living a picture perfect version of yourself while on the inside its falling apart like a flower living its last days before winter comes and destroys anything that's left of it. sometimes i wish i could be full of happiness everyday and never feel pain, heartbreak, even love. you know why i include love too, dereck?"
i look at her in awe whispering a small why.
"because life's a bitch and love just brings pain and suffering. i sometimes envy birds. they can just fly away...no responsibilities, no prying eyes, no grades, no disappointment...they just fly away."
she takes another drag of her cigarette, sighing the smoke out and  flicking it down the roof of her mothers house. she then proceeds to lay down on the roof, i copy her.
"why do people decide to hurt others? where's the pleasure in pain of others? i don't get it."
she shakes her head, seeming to be confused.
"how are you supposed to trust anyone with your deepest thoughts? deepest fears? how are you supposed to fall?"
a small tear slips from her face and i sit up to wipe it away looking her deep in the eyes.
they seem lifeless, hopeless.
it hurts to look at them.
"madeline..."
she stares at me expectantly almost as if she wants me to go further but i lean back and sigh.
in a whisper i reply
"i understand, too good actually. how are you supposed to trust anyone?"
we both sit in silence and in regret, 
for both being too coward to do anything we actually wanted to do...