To my yellow.
You taught me how to make coffee. You taught me to make eggs. You taught me there is no shame in what I believe in. You taught me that if you want to play a videogame, but you keep failing a level, just set the whole place on fire. You taught me how to tell the truth. You taught me how to have a sister.
You were there in my dark times, and you will be there in my light.
Yellow has always been the colour of happiness and joy. I’ve never met someone who can make such stupid trivial things as joyous as you. Someone who I can play stupid games with, and feel like a kid again. Someone who I can be serious with. Someone who I can be angry at. Someone I can be upset with. But always find a way to be happy again, laughing and joking around a few days later.
I’ve never been as angry at someone as I have been with you. I’ve never yelled so passionately at someone. I’ve never hurt someone as much as I’ve hurt you.
I’ve never had a sister. I had one when I met you. When we lied and said we were blood. When we came clean and told them we lied. When we told each other secrets. When we told each other stupid things. When I cried because of you. When I cried for you.
When you brought me to a better school. When you stood with me when everyone was against me. When I lost my faith, and you brought me back.
Even though I’m bad at saying these things to you out loud, or over text. And maybe I’m bad at keeping plans cuz all I want to do is lay there sometimes. And maybe I’ve been spending too much time with someone I’d always promised you guys I wouldn’t leave you for.
You taught me how to make coffee. You taught me how to make eggs. But what you failed to teach me is sometimes we have to teach ourselves.
I hope that it doesn’t take me long to find myself. I hope that soon we can finish that damn video game. I hope that you come over on mondays sometimes, just because it’s a shorter day. I hope that soon, very soon, I’m again your best friend. I can never go back to being the small, innocent (not really, but let’s pretend) sixth grader you met. But I can go back to the person I always promised myself I would be.
To my blue.
You taught me how to be myself. You taught me to laugh at 4:00am because life is funny. You taught me that some friendships don’t have to be built on adventures. That sometimes, the best friendships are the ones where you can sit together in a room and play on a laptop together.
You knew me at my worst. But you’ve seen me at my best.
Blue is the colour of peace. The colour of trust. I’ve told you things I could never utter to another human being. Things I pray never come back to bite me in the ass. You’ve always been the calmest of us all. While I might be mama, you are the group’s grandmother. You always know what’s best for us all.
Sometimes I wish I could take a lot of things back. Sometimes I wish I had never responded to that note you passed me, if only to save you the trouble of being in my mess of friendship. But I always think of how amazing it is to be able to go over to your place and watch terrible movies and play terrible games and maybe not say three words to each other until 3:00 in the morning.
I know I’m not the easiest to get along with. I know I’m very forceful with my words sometimes. And I know I might be a little too all up in your face. And I know I’ve changed a lot. But I’m working on that. I can only hope that it doesn’t change our friendship.
To my pink
You taught me how to hate. You taught me how to forgive. You taught me how to touch noses with someone and be best friends. You taught me how to heal.
Pink is the colour of youth. A colour I always thought I would hate. I’ve grown to love it. I touched noses with pink and now it’s an amazing colour. You are always there if I need someone to just be a kid with. To just dance. To just laugh. To just forget that I’m a grown up. We can always be serious. But even when we’re serious, I still feel like we can turn right around and be happy again.
There’s a lot I regret. There’s a lot that happened. But it’s made us who we are today. I wouldn’t trade our friendship for anything. I made a lot of bad choices. I said a lot of bad things. I did even worse. But with you I just am. I just am a little messed up, just a little strange, just a little stupid. And it’s okay.We’ve both changed. And we both need to find ourselves. But it will never take away our friendship. It will never take away our youth.
To my purple
You taught me how to finish something. You taught me how to start something. You taught me that you can still have a friendship, 974 miles away. You taught me it’s okay to be crazy. You taught me no matter what things can change. Things can become better. You taught me that if I wanna scream at the top of my lungs lyrics, I don’t have to be afraid. You taught me to not chase my dreams. You taught me to catch them and never let them go.
Purple is the colour of wisdom. You are the wisest person I know. You’re always able to tell me how to fix things. How to be okay. You’ve been there for me, even when we were in that big fight. You stay calm when I’m a wreck. You tell me what’s going to be okay, and what might not be okay. But we will always be okay. We always are.
I had a lot of trouble telling you things. With the thing with your sister and yourself, adding me on top of that must have been hard. And I just wish that I could help you the way you help me. Someday, we’re going to publish our book and sing together and be on broadway. It will be okay. And I know it. Because you are always there with the future and present for me.
To my red
You taught me that soul mates exist. You taught me that my beliefs can coexist peacefully. You taught me to screw what people think. You taught me to not be ashamed. You taught me that my love is valid. That my voice should be heard.
Red is the colour of one true love. Not in the creepy way. It means that you are my red. My safety. My home. You have so much love and I’m sorry I’m not always able to catch it. I’m not always what I need to be for you. Sometimes I’m pretty useless. I’m not the best at comforting someone. But you’ve always been there. And no matter what happens I know you are there, in spirit.
We have that crazy telepathy, and I know when you’re not okay. You know when I’m not okay. Sometimes I don’t even know I’m not okay. Maybe someday you can only get a positive aura about me. I hope to feel the same about you someday too.
To my babies.
To my girls.
To my best friends.
To my family.
To my five.
You are my only five. The only five that will ever matter. The only five that I would drop my whole life to come running 500 miles to fall down at your door. The only five that have helped me. The only five that I feel okay with. That I feel normal with. That I feel crazy with. And I know I can never say these words out loud because my mouth and brain do not cooperate and maybe my fingers and my brain are not the best of friends, but I think I got my point across. You guys are a part of me, you always will be. No matter what. We will always be the fabulous six. Maybe every once and a while there will be a seven. Maybe we might find someone like us, but that will never change what we all have as six. Maybe we all have our own friends. Maybe we will all get married, move away, get jobs, and never look back. But I know that if at 3:00 in the morning someone calls the other from another state, with another life, we will be right there. No matter what happens, we are always six. Half of six is three. And three is a magic number. So we’re twice a magical number. Therefore we are magic.
