Cigarettes and Valentines

Chapter 5

Allison's POV

I hated myself for it but I actually started to worry about Michael, sitting there, as I waited for him to return. It's not like I had a problem with showing emotions towards people - I wasn't that kind. But Michael sure was and I didn't see a point in showing him that he actually meant a lot to me when I wouldn't get any reaction anyway.

The fact that I was attacted to him made it more than impossible for me to let him into my life. I couldn't use guy trouble at all right now. Not just because of the educational background but also because of my personal issues.

People literally hated me in school and I knew that. Apart from that, there was still this constant feeling in my chest of not being good enough; not pretty enough, not thin enough, not smart enough.

Now that my mother had mentioned the name James, I also remebered the main reason, that made me feel unworthy: I wasn't good enough as a daughter.

"Hey" Michael made me jump, as he suddenly stood next to me.

"I'll go search my phone now and head home" he said, already in his cloths again, putting the things I borrowed him next to me on the table.

"Oh so you're telling me when you decide to leave now? That's new, I appreciate that" I replied, not really noticing how annoyed I sounded.

"Do you really want an apology for not saying good bye?" he grinned pitying as I crossed my arms in front of my chest.

"No" I gave in. "Nevermind, we'll go get your phone and study afterwards" I spoke, getting up.

"Mom, I'll take your car if that's alright" I now directed towards the kitchen. When she replied "okay" I knew there must be something going on with her. She never let me use her car.

"Again; I'm not going to study with you" Michael now said and I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Yeah you will" I replied, handing him the little pile of history books I lended in the library.

Michael cussed a few times but followed me towards the door.

"What's with the rice?" he asked, when I let a little plastic bag of rice and an elastic drop on the books he was carrying.

"You'll see" I said, sitting on the drivers seat.

Whenever I geared up, I let a suble gaze wander over Michael's hand which was lying on his knee next to the gear shift.

Last night was very expressive for our relationship. The way Michael looked when he held my hand for the second time of the day was intriguing.

He was like a little child, scared but excited about the unknown as if he'd never felt something like that before - which was of course not the case, since he also pulled me up the fence, without this certain expression. I'm pretty sure he has touched other girls with them but this was different - we both seemed to feel something when he entwined his fingers with mine.

After that he sunk into the pillow and I covered his huge body with my blanket. Soon afterwards his snors filled the house and when I was about to leave, his hand was still tightly holding onto mine.

I couldn't help but lay down next to him, scanning every inch of his face when I pulled up the covers to slip under them as well.

I wasn't actally planning to spend the night with him. Actually I wanted to leave as soon as his grip would losen up but it didn't. When minutes had passed, I felt my eyes get tired from gazing at him for so long and it didn't take any further time until I fell asleep, his rythmic breathing next to me as my lullaby.

"Allison. You've missed the street" Michael now interruped my brief summary of the day before.

"Oh" I murmured, turning the car around to reach the exact spot where I parked to pick him up last night.

"The rice" he reminded me when I was still in thoughts, getting out of the car. He handed me the little pack as well as the red elastic.

I tired to call him to maybe hear the ringtone, which would've made the seek a little easier but as expected, his phone really had suffered from the heavy rain and turned itself off.

After some more minutes of hopeless searching, I spotted it in the bushes. Putting it into the bag of rice, I watched Michael's jaw drop to why I let his phone bathe in rice.

Twisting the opning a few times to make the rice press againt the phone, I sealed my construction with the elastic and handed it out to Michael.

"Rice has a high affinity for drawing out moisture" I said whilst walking back to the car, Michael following me closely behind.

When we sat back in the car, wordlessly, I tried to focus on the orange leaves on the ground and the autumn sun that was shining through the naked trees. I didn't want to picture any other things that made me feel addicted to Michael's presence. I sure never had a cigarette but I swear the addiction must be at least similar to what I felt about him.

"Turn left" Michael now spoke.

"What? No, I live straight ahead" I gave back confused.

"I know that, Smartass. Just do it" he groaned. Shrugging my shoulders, I followed his instructions and we went further and further down the valley towards the woods.

"Michael, if you plan on murdering my down there, I got to tell you that it'd be way smarter to do it around the sea area to drown my body afterwards" I snickered and saw his red lips turn into a smirk.

"Okay stop" he said and I kicked down the breaks rapidly, causing Michael to jerk farward.

"Ooops" I smiled innocently. "What are we doing here?" I now asked seriously, looking around the unfimilar street. I've never been to this corner of the city before and I wasn't to keen on changing that.

Michael just got out of the car, without giving me an answer. "Bring the books" he said when I stuck my head out of the window, watching him walk towards an detached, ivy-covered house.

Breathing out in anger and having another battle between heart and mind, I picked up the textbooks and followed him into the house.

 "Do you live on your own?" I asked.

"How come you think I live here?" he asked back and chuckled when he saw my shocked expression. "No, I live here with my..." Michael now stopped talking and playded with the pack of rice in his hands.

"Are we gonna study now or what?" he asked instead of finishing his point.

I was upset about the fact that he didn't trust me enough to tell me about his family background but soon I realized this was Michael Clifford. The guy who once hung another guy onto the school's flagpole.

 "Yes, of course" I blurted out.

Michael lead me upstairs and I let a sublte look wander around his house, scanning the decoration, the color of the wall but also I scanned the cd collection in the living room, which made a small smile appear on my lips.

Now that I entered his room I was even more fascinated. The bandposters and the guitars he had standing around impressed me extremely but real talk: there's no chance I'd let him know that.

In the moment I sat on his bed, the books on my lap, Michael started undressing himself again and as he picked up my confused and shocked face he laughed out "It's not like you haven't seen it yet", throwing his old shirt on me. It was still a bit moist from the day before when I let my fingers run over the fabric.

"Can you please stop? What are you doing?" I couldn't help but laugh, hiding my face behind my hands.

"Taking an abundant shower, do you think I was gonna give you a striptease or what?" he chucked and I felt my cheeks heat up once again.

"Join me?" he smirked.