You can only bottle things up for so long before they start to re surfaces. When stuff starts to re-surface again it hits you a thousands times worse then it originally was when you originally bottle it up. Not only does the thing you bottle up comes back but you also relive it. You sit there when you are reliving it and you start to think to yourself "This is the whole reason why I originally lock this up in the safe so I wouldn't have to go threw this pain again." When you bottle things up they can start to re-surface at any point and time. It can be as easy as something triggering a specific emotion or something. But when it does start to re-surface you don't only have to go through that memory or whatever you bottle up again, but you also have to go through the emotions that came along with it. For example lets say you bottle up memories and feelings (those for me are the worse). Lets say you bottle up feelings you have for a somebody and memories that you have with that person or others things, and you start to finally start to move on and forget about those feelings and memories, and finally start to be happy again, then those lovely feelings an memories begins to start to re-surface. They just destroy your happiness in a blink of an eye. Then you have to move on from that person all over again, after you relive all those "lovely"/painful memories all over again. From experiences I can say the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, 7th (or whatever number your on) is always way worse then the first time. Each time it gets worse and more painful then the very first time it happen. You are than presented with the same thoughts you had originally like "What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently? Why me? What's wrong with me? Am I not good enough? Did they even care about me or was I just there little toy for them to play with until they get bored with me again? Why did I fall for there tricks all over again, even tho I knew each and one of them yet that still didn't seem to stop me from going back to them... Why didn't I stop myself for falling for them again? I knew I was just there back up plan yet I still went back. Why?Why did I give you me heart again, after I already knew that you were just going to hurt me all over again?" But the most importantly the four questions that constantly go through your head "Why do I still care about you after what you put me threw? Did you ever really mean it when you said "I Love You"? Did you really even care about me? Do you still care about me even the slightest bit?" When those thoughts pop back into your brain you are feel with that pain all over again. The pain that you thought you abounded, but some how it still mange to find you, even tho you don't wont it to find you. Then as soon as the emotions and feelings are back in the surface, every time you see that person those feelings and emotions are directed towards it hurts like a bitch every time you see them. Before when they were lock up tight an put away you could go by or see that person and just feeling nothing for them but when the feelings and emotions are back you feel something for them when you see them. It suck even worse when you know that, that person doesn't return those feelings for you and no longer wants anything to do and that there heart belongs to somebody else. That is the worst to me.
But as soon as you get the strength to push everything that has re-surface itself back into that bottle or vault it was original in you do it and start to get your head straight again. It might take a while to get the strength to do it but as soon as you do put it away even tho you know eventually it is going to come back, but you don't care you just want your life to go back to the way it was before the bottle busted. For some people who are the braver then most will face the stuff that re-surface and deal with. But for most we will burry it until the grave is full and can't take anything else in. At least when it is burry you can be happy for a little bit. I personally would take being happy for a little bit over being depressed all the time. That to me is worth it, if it means just being happy for only a few splits seconds over being depressed and wanting to just end my life or to cut. Anything to end the pain and suffering that those specific feelings and emotions bring along with them. Even if it isn't a healthy way. People eventually get tired of crying every night. So you do the one thing you know that will stop you from crying, you get rid of what make you cry by bottling it up. Then you don't have the sudden urge to start bursting into tears at any given second. So my question is would you rather bottle stuff up or would you face it?
