Daily Musings Of A Nobody

A Day Of Nothing New

12:36AM, 5TH MAY 2021, WEDNESDAY

Once again I'm back later then promised, but it's okay. Today I honestly felt like not writing. I was so drained out by I don't know exactly what since I have had very less physical exhaustion. In fact I was wondering that writing late at this time also will not help me in achieving a creative inspiration. As I had said earlier I have a bit of work due but I havn't even tried to start. Okay that's not exactly true, since I tried last night. But the truth is that since exams have ended I don't want to whack my brains at all. I just want to enjoy and relax until the next semester starts. And that's exactly what I am doing but I have been getting such less sleep that it exhausts me. My guy best friend today said that maybe that's how I am wired, to get tired too fast. He tries to get my attention in such sublte ways, today once again he called. I don't want to make him used to this everyday calling. He will feel I'm always available for him. I need to detach myself from him, before it starts getting toxic.

Anyways, let's get to discuss what I did and did not do today. Morning I awoke as usual by 12, breakfast and everything. I was supposed to help mom with some phone stuff, so I sat right there with my earphones in place, instructed her what to do and continued listening to my podcast. Well, at least I tried. You know their generation isn't that compatible with electronics and that's the exact same thing that happens.

I'm not really a podcast-friendly person but I have started to like this particular one because of its simplicity and dedication. It is about true crime stories in India, the girls choose any story from recent times or sometimes old ones too. Their research is so meticulous despite them not being full time since they have jobs too. Anyways, then in the evening Sania called and we spoke for like an hour with interruption by her younger cousin. As always it was mostly her talking and me listening. This is one thing which is constant with almost everyone except Hitesh. Nothing romantic, it's just that he doesn't know how to keep a conversation going. I spoke to Sania about all this that I feel these days, the unhappy and noncontent feeling despite doing things that I like. Maybe that's in my head.
Yesterday night after writing, I was getting the same thoughts. So I thought why not tell this friend who has been not clingy I would say, but tried to get in contact with me but I havn't replied well. We have some history and a bit traumatic one for me yet I didn't want him feeling guilty so was in contact for a while. So I texted him about this and also included that maybe it's because I am always so negative and dissatisfied with what I do that I can never find happiness when I know there is nothing that should upset me right now. Then I went back to series and he replied to everything. I didn't expect that actually. In the past few months whenever I have had spoken seriously he brushed it all off with funny remarks. So I'm happy that maybe our friendship is somewhat stable or at least the same and not damaged. 

I really need to learn how to get a control of my mind, maybe meditation will help. Can you meditate in bed just before sleeping and then use it as a way to fall asleep? If that works out then that would be like hitting two bullseye with one shot. Anyways, the rest of my day comprises of playing minecraft for an hour and giving myself a headache. To give my eyes and myself rest I just lied down for an hour without falling asleep. Mom interrupted and wanted me to wake up, but I wasn't even asleep. It's funny how I get so easily tired these days and now when I should I be sleeping I'm up writing.

Well then there is nothing to share of interest, just that I heard three stories today. Ended the second one and around 9pm did not know what to do. Just jumped from Netflix to Amazon to youtube, thought of what to watch next and then came back to the podcast. I didn't want to strain my eyes.
So concluding that today I heard three stories and a call to a friend. Nothing more is needed. And oh I did some work of that anonymous establishment, alloted somebody work and then posted it. I thought of what other reform we can do, what other article we can write on. But at present I am tired and want to think no more. So here was my day of nothing new and until next time, toodles.