What Doesn't Break You (Ashton Irwin Fanfic)

Chapter 18

Ashton’s POV:

“Okay this is a work in progress, but I want you to be honest about what you think.” I strummed my guitar a few times to make sure it was in tune. I was sitting on my desk chair while A.J. was sitting on the edge of my bed.

She had taken her hair down since we got here, and since she had showered after gym class it was still a little damp. As it hung around her shoulders I saw that it was slightly curly. She still had a few traces of makeup on her eyes, but for the most part she was all natural as she sat in front of me.

God she was breathtaking, I thought.

 “Ah hem” she cleared her throat and I was broken out of my little trance. “Well, I promise not to be too judgmental, but I’m sure it’s amazing” She laughed and then gave me a serious look. “But if it sucks you’re fired.”

I laughed nervously and strummed my guitar a few more times. “Oh, so now you’re a music critic? If I had known that I would have practiced a little more”

 “Don’t screw up” she said scrunching up her nose at me.

 “Thanks. I’ll try.” I said wrinkling my nose back at her.

I swallowed hard a few times, and then strummed the first few notes of the intro I wrote. I kept my eyes locked with A.J.’s as I played. I have never been afraid of playing or singing in front of people, but as I sat here in front of her I found it really hard to concentrate.

I kept fumbling over the notes and hitting the wrong keys. Shit I’m nervous! I grimaced as I hit one particularly bad note, but pushed on into the chorus. At this point I decided to sing out some of the lyrics to let out a few of my nerves.

 “It’s where my demons hide. It’s where my demons hide.” I looked up to see A.J. smiling at me, and I gained some confidence back. I kept on playing, and didn’t mess up as much on the last half of the song.

I know I told A.J. that I only came up with a guitar hook and melody for what she had written so far, but the truth was I had written an entire song. I couldn’t help it. When I get inspired by a song, I can’t just write part of it and come back. I have to finish it. And A.J.’s words inspired me.

Her words held meaning for me, even though I knew she had written them for herself. She had a whole notebook full of deep poetry that she was keeping to herself. I enjoyed flipping through her notebook. I didn’t mean to be creepy by sifting through all her poems, but I couldn’t resist taking a small peek into her world.

I noticed that most of her lyrics were about sadness and loss. I understood that, given her past. It had to be rough losing your entire family in an instant. She had shared with me that they had died in a car accident, but she didn’t really elaborate. I didn’t push her because I could tell it was hard for her to talk about it. She clammed up was stuttering like mad when she told me about them that night I went over to her house.

But despite the fact that I knew she had experience loss, and that was the reason her notebook was so full of sad and lonely words, it also seemed like her words had another meaning besides just loss. Some of them spoke of anger towards herself, and some were about searching for forgiveness.