because i believe in you (even if i'm anxious)

it starts when jungwon makes a half-assed excuse to cancel their date.

while it would've been something different if he had cancelled on just any date, it was their six month anniversary. so yeah, jay wanted to consider an event like that pretty special. when jungwon said he needed to study instead, jay was understanding. jungwon was always a good student and he studied for most tests, even though he didn't have one the next day. either way, jay said that he could come over and help jungwon study. normally when he came over to help study, they did actually get work done. jay was serious about helping his boyfriend.

when jungwon insists on not letting jay help, jay can't help but worry a little.

he brushes it off, though. what else would he do? and besides, what kind of partner would he be if he had no trust in his boyfriend? so he decides to forget that the situation ever happened.

unfortunately, that scenario makes jay far more wary of everything else. jungwon started pulling away from hugs (or any kind of skinship), avoiding eye contact, and cancelling plans. the way he said "i love you too" sounds guilty when it rolls off his lips- sometimes he doesn't even go as far as to say it. he really starts cancelling on jay almost every day. but jay doesn't vocalize his concerns. he should trust his partner, and if jungwon wanted to say something then he would. jay would never push him to say something that he wasn't ready to say.

it wasn't like they had just met six months ago, either. theyd known each other for years- since they were both young children (jay would say he was seven, but he wasn't too sure). so there's more reason for jay to trust him. even if he's anxious, he believes in jungwon with his entire heart. he loves jungwon.

"fuck, jungwon,"

jay's eyes widen when he sees jungwon in the doorway, standing still.

"hyung?"

when jay can't respond and ends the call he's on (in all honesty, he never expected jungwon to be over so soon) jungwon comes and sits on jay's bed next to him. jungwon normally spent so much longer studying and was never over so early. just jay's luck, huh?

"is it true?"

it's obviously a rhetorical question, since jay is acting like he's facing his worst nightmare. his mouth feels dry when he tries to answer, so he decides to settle on a nod. when silence falls over them, jay forces words to actually escape his lips. the silence is too awkward and uncomfortable, "i'm sorry. you can leave or something. i can get over it."

"you can't just get over someone you're in love with,"

"i can manage," he lies with a tight smile. "i don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything, seriously. if you want to leave me or avoid me... just do whatever makes you comfortable."

"let's go on a date."

the words escape jungwon's mouth, and both of them look equally surprised at it. jungwon puts a hand over his mouth, and his eyes widen at his words. jay waits for him to say something, because he looks like he wants to.

"o-only if you're comfortable with that, that is," he bites his lip, feeling awkward in the situation, jay assumes.

"you say that as if i haven't been pining over you for the past year," jay blushes, taking his eyes off of jungwon and pointing them at his hands in his lap. "of course, i'll go on a date with you, idiot,"

"i'm the idiot here?" jungwon raises an eyebrow.

"mhm," he hums, somehow feeling all that much more confident. "you are,"