flowers from 1970

Chapter 9

Sapnap was Dream's closest friend.  They had met in 1962 after school, Dream was sitting on a staircase and Sapnap had just walked out of the gates stuffing papers into his backpack. A page of his math homework flew out, the wind blowing it to where Dream sat. Sapnap ran quickly to the staircase to retrieve it when he spotted Dream right next to where it had landed, crying into his arms.  "Are you alright?" Sapnap had asked the boy, who refused to look at him or show any indication that he had heard what he said. "I didn't come here to bother you, I just wanted my paper back."  Dream revealed himself from his vulnerable position, avoiding eye contact with Sapnap before picking up the piece of paper and handing it to him, "Here you go, sorry."  Dad is a right fleabag to her. He doesn't hurt her but he yells at her. And me."  "Mine is too." Sapnap put his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arm around them, "Mom says it's because he's still bugged out from the war."  Dream's eyes widened, "My mom tells me that too." He looked happier knowing he wasn't the only one in his current situation, "Your dad fought in the war, then?"  "Yeah," Sapnap turned toward the boy, "he has a lot of medals and stuff, he doesn't let me touch them."  "My Dad never got any awards," Dream gestured toward his father, who was leaning on his car while his mother was pinching her nose in annoyance, "it's okay though, he doesn't really deserve them."  Sapnap caught sight of a white slug bug car and got up quickly, "Oh no, I have to go." He told Dream, who got up as well, "Maybe we can talk more at school?"  "Definitely," Dream held out his hand, "I'm Clay. I'm in Class B."  Nick took the boys hand and shook it, "Sapnap." He introduced himself, "I have to book it, but meet me here tomorrow after school again." He shouted as he ran towards his car, Dream agreed, and looked over darkly to his parents in the parking lot. He was still afraid to go over to them and encourage them to drive him home already, there was too much tension he felt but couldn't understand.  He started walking over to them anyway, when he saw Sapnap running back toward him, "My mom said she can give you a ride to my place. You dig? You can stay over for a bit too." He offered.  Dream's eyes widened and he nodded enthusiastically, "I'd love to, thank you so much Sapnap,"  "No problem, I can show you my Dad's medals too." Sapnap said excitedly as they walked to his car, "Do your parents mind?"  "They don't really care if I go out, as long as I get back before it's dark." He looked over to them, still fighting and not noticing him walking with Sapnap to another car, "I'd rather be somewhere else anyway."  "Don't worry." Sapnap patted him on the back, "Consider us friends now. You can visit anytime you want after this and we can read my new comics." Sapnap smiled as he opened the car door for Dream, who got in and smiled. It was his first time ever making a friend.  With their close friendship, it was impossible for Sapnap not to notice his friend looking dark and dreary lately. He had offered visits to his house to talk about whatever it was, but Dream always waved him off, saying it was no big deal. "Jeepers Creepers, you're scaring me Clay. What's been bugging you?"  Had it been a normal situation, Dream would have told Sapnap everything. He could trust him with his life, and he also knew he would give him the best advice, being the perfect balance of criticism, judgement, and comfort.  How could he tell his friend of such a problem, though? How could he tell him that for the past two months he had been in his room talking to a boy fifty years ahead of him in time, Sapnap believed everything Dream said, but if there was a line to that this would definitely have crossed it.  Another problem would be that even if he left out the phone call details, he wasn't sure how Sapnap would react to him falling for another boy. Sapnap had always been supportive of everyone, but they were best friends and he was scared as to what his reaction would be. So, as much as he wanted to tell him what was going on, he didn't really know where to start.  "Just the blues." Dream took a sip of soda and avoided his friend's eyes, "It happens."  "You think I didn't notice that, man?" Sapnap took the bottle of soda from him and put it down on the table, "What I mean is what's the reason for it?"  Dream fidgeted with his hands, "Heartache." Was all he could let out of his mouth. Sapnap's mouth gaped opened and he suddenly looked offended.  "Heartache?" Sapnap bellowed loudly, "You never told me someone snatched your heart up, and I find out because they broke it?"  Dream groaned and buried his face into his hands, "I know and I'm sorry." His voice was muffled, "I was just scared of what you'd think."  "What I'd think?" Sapnap sounded confused, "You've told me about girls plenty of times before, why are you scared now."  "That's the thing." Dream lifted his face, his heartbeat rapidly increasing as he inhaled and looked his friend straight in the eye, "It's not a girl, Sapnap." He exhaled and closed his eyes, almost to protect himself from a force that didn't exist.  Sapnap took this information in. He was obviously surprised, but he calmed down quickly and sat closer to Dream, "That's-" He let out a breath, "not what I expected, but it doesn't bother me. Did you think it would?"  Dream opened his eyes and shook his head quickly, "No, of course not. I just thought it'd be different because you and I are best friends and I was scared you'd see me differently."  Sapnap laughed, and Dream was taken aback, "Come on, man. You'll always be cocky, goofy Clay. Whatever kind of person snatches your heart can't change that, and it definitely doesn't change what I think of you."  Relief flowed through Dream's body, and he wondered why he had waited so long to tell Sapnap about his situation. He smiled, "I'm not full of myself, by the way."  "No, you definitely are." Sapnap grinned, "So who's the lucky guy?"  He knew Sapnap would ask that, and he still didn't have an answer prepared. He thought for a moment, "He doesn't live near here."  "Dang that's rough," Sapnap empathized with him, "distance doesn't do anyone well. Is that the reason for the heartache?"  "Y-yeah." Dream answered honestly, because it was the truth. The problem was indeed distance, but it was something Sapnap just wasn't ready to hear about or try to understand quite yet. Maybe one day, but for now he wanted to keep the phone calls a secret,  Dream was staring at a vase of orchids in the corner of Sapnap's room. They were slowly withering, which bothered him because he wished Sapnap would take better care of them. They were kept in a bad place, just sitting in water in a dark shadow of the room when they belonged in the soil with the sun.  He realized that you can only have flowers away from where they're supposed to be for so long before they start to die. There's a place for them to live, to belong. That's the only way that flowers could survive time, if they stayed where they were supposed to be.  It was like him and George. They both had their places where they belonged, and it's best if they stayed in them. He would have loved to have him close to him, but just like the flowers dying in Sapnap's vase, he could only wait for so long before inevitably their chances would wither.  Why is it so hard to move on, then?  It was easy.  He loved when George would say he missed him too. He loved when George seemed so interested in his little anecdotes and stories he'd never have told anyone else. He loved when George would stop himself when he realized he was chewing too loudly over the phone. He loved George's voice and hesitation when Dream told him too much too fast. He loved his little chuckles and when he'd try and hold back a laugh. He loved when the phone would only ring once before George would answer and say hello to him so quickly.  There was so much to love about him, but he was better off being loved by someone who could be there. Someone who could tell him all those things to his face while holding him close, Someone who could look him in the eyes and assure him when he felt like he was being lied to.  Someone who was from his time.  That was just something Dream couldn't give him, and it killed him so much.  He maybe was full of himself, because he felt like George deserved him, George would subtly imply that Dream was the only one that had understood or ever talked to him with his full heart. He was surely full of himself for feeling like he deserved George.  Those were the things that Dream could give him. His listening ear, his reassurance, his funny stories that would make his day, but that just wasn't enough.  He couldn't have George, and he just couldn't wait for him.  "Clay?" Sapnap was waving his hands in front of Dream's face, "Dream? Clay? Pissbaby?"  Dream snapped out of his thoughts, trying to hold back tears, "You should really take care of those flowers, Sapnap."