between us two

my heart died that night

it was a cold starry night when I invited Elle over Sanctuary Hills. I wasn't feeling so good so i kinda planned a midnight get away with her.  The night was still young and the lovely breeze greeted us with warmness from the setting sun.

"why are you so silent?" I asked her since she didn't said a word since we got here. she was just here, existing but not really with me

"nothing"

said she and flashed a very awkward smile. from that point on, i know that she doesnt want to talk about it so I stayed silent. At the back of my mind, silence felt good since we both want a headspace and a getaway from reality. 

we just sat there for an hour and so, we finished couple cans of beer in silence as we enjoy the city light at the hills.

"i don't think this is a good idea" she broke the silence and stood up and leaving me with her unprocessed statement.

i grabbed her wrist in desperation and turned her towards my direction.

"what do you mean?" i aggressively asked her as i press my hand to her arms

"This. ....... US!"

she shouted and tears started falling into her eyes. I couldn't take seeing her cry so i grabbed her and rested her head to my chest. I brushed her hair  carefully as I was calmly hushing her.

"yes you calm me. being with you makes me feel at ease but how long are we gonna be like this? I need to heal and being with you doesn't help me nor you" 

she said between her sobs. my heart breaks hearing her so I  just hugged her tightly

"Elle please, not all battles can be won ... we lost whats ours once, what makes you think we can win one?"

"bakit ba di moko kayang piliin?" she asked me the question that i avoided all this time. No words came out from me, I just cried in desperation and she slowly removed my grip from her. She slipped away to my embrace and I saw her walking away from me.

so this is how it feels ... this is how it feels to see someone you love walking away from you. It hurts  and I couldnt justify the pain just by saying a word.

" believe me i chose you, but this time, you are not mine to choose"

—Arcane 🌊