Not my fault,My fate

Chapter Twenty-three

Theme: Sadness

    😔😓TANIA'S POV😩😖

  Sometimes I feel life has offered me nothing but pain and sadness. But i have a beautiful family and to be honest,they are the only thing I've got in my entire life. When I think of what I've been able to offer to my family,its nothing!

   I'm just another pain in the ass and sooner or later,i'd be gone. Its not as easy as I say it is,its hard when you know your whole life is by chance and any time,you can be dead. Since I'm just another wasted child,i thought Chase would make my parents proud. At least,pay them back for all their efforts but he's just another waste as a child.

   He got rusticated from Oxford for indulging and being caught with hard drugs. He came home out of the blues saying the school was on a break whereas they are still in session. What will happen when my parents find out? Why do they have such horrible monsters as kids? My mum works her tail off and cant even get enough sleep cos she comes home late and leaves home quite early,Dad is still pushing on one foot even though he's using the prosthetics__its not easy as it seems. Then they have Chase and I as kids,could anything be more worse?!!

   Chase begged me before he left my room to help him hide his secret,like this is too much to  take in. I can't believe he could do such a thing,my brother seemed to good to be true,this  is a really shameful act,he even dared to continue taking the drugs at home. I'm so mad at him and disappointed too.

   I wasn't mad at him cos he indulged in drugs,i was mad cos he got caught. He should have tried his possible best not to get caught,just for mum and dad. They'd be so heartbroken if they find out he got expelled and it would be hard getting into another college cos they would see the reason why he was rusticated in his former college in his database. This is not good?!

🕴️🕴️🕴️🤧🤧🤧🤧

    It was the dawn of a new day,I'd like to call it the continuation of my miserable life. I got up from bed feeling nauseous and when I rushed to the bathroom to throw up,it was just a bowl of blood,the only thing I threw up was blood. I felt really weak that morning but i had to go to school,it was my one chance to not get to see Chase face today. His presence made this anger rise in me so it'd be better if I stayed far from him.

    As I got in the shower,a large amount of my hair fell off,this was really bothersome. I felt the hair on my head was so light and I was starting to freak out. I stared at myself in the water in the bath tub I was in,I already look sick and this was a huge mess for me. I started crying when it dawned on me that i was already as good as dead.

    I slipped into some baggy clothes so my skinny body won't show and wore a head warmer to hide my shabby hair,the only thing i couldn't hide were my eyes........ They were swollen with eyebags due to too much of crying and shades arent allowed in school,if not that'd be my best option.

    I got ready for school and yeah..... My bracelets weren't left out.

    Dad took me to school and I was really quiet in the car today,a lot of things were running through my mind and as i thought about them,I was scared. Perhaps dying was such a bad idea,can it be reversed? Cos my system is in such a mess......a critical one. What have I done?!

    "Whats wrong,princess?!!"

   "Oh! We are at school?!" I exclaimed as I looked up and saw we had arrived already.

    "I have been saying that for the past 5mins,you weren't even listening. What's wrong honey__you don't look too good" Dad asked.

    "Nothing.......... I'm fine"

   "Is there something you are not telling me? You know the doctor called again yesterday and asked why we havent been coming for your checkups. I think your mum and I have been so carried away that we have not been keen in monitoring your health status and even how you take pills. I know you take all your pills regularly but meeting with the doctor shouldn't be left out and we have made a huge mistake there,I'm really sorry princess.

    I'm gonna get back on track,i promise! Your health is the most important thing right now and i can't afford to lose you" Dad said as he kissed my forehead lightly.

   As Dad apologized for not been keen with my health,a part of me broke in two. This man was apologizing for my own sin,I don't deserve him. I couldn't stop the downpour of tears that rolled down my cheek. Dad thought I was been emotional this morning and tried consoling me with motivational words but it hurt from the inside.

   "Stop crying princess........I'm so sorry that I have not been there for you"

   "No Dad,you were and always have been there, none of this is your fault" i said as I cuddled him tight.

   I wanted to seize this moment, as it might be the last. Tomorrow is a day I fear that may never come.