•Thea's POV•
'People think depression is sadness. People think depression is crying. People think depression is dressing in black. But people are all wrong. Depression is the constant feeling of being numb. Being numb to emotion, being numb to lies. You wake up in the morning and just go back to sleep, because there is nothing to be awake for. Days aren't really days; they are just depressing obstacles that need to be faced. And how do you face them? Through medication, drinking, smoking, drugs, and cutting. When your depressed, you grasp on to anything you can get during the day. That's what depression is, it is not sadness or tears. It's the overwhelming sense of numbness and the desire for anything that will get you from one day to the next.'
***
Everything was numb. My desires, my fear, they disappeared as I looked in the mirror. All I felt was heartache, madness. I was unrecognizable to myself. I guess you could say I lost myself, which is one of the worst feelings in the world. I lifted my new tank top from the girl, I think Beth was her name, and I could see my ribs sticking inches out of my skin. I slip on my new jeans and go into my new room.
I could tell it belonged to a teenage boy. It longed of my favorite colors, dark blue and black, and is had a broken PS4 and a flat screen directly in front of the bed. I sat down in the mattress which was probably the most comfortable thing I've ever been on. I honestly can't complain. They provide me with all the necessities for survival. Physically, but not mentally.
I have scars, but on my stomach. Thighs too.
But it wasn't me, it was the depression.
It took me over. And I couldn't stop telling myself,
Useless.
Retard.
Unloved.
Psycho.
Freak.
Worthless.
Waste of space.
Unwanted.
Grotesque.
You are a wreck.
•Carls POV•
I peaked into Thea's room, and she was just staring into space, fiddling with her knife. Dry tears stained her face and her finger tips were slightly bloody due to her playing with her blade.
"Thea." I called out quietly.
Her head immediately snapped in my direction.
"Carl.... please. You shouldn't see me like this." she said quickly yet panicked.
"Why are you doing this to yourself?" I asked.
"Why is that any of you god damn concern?!" She snapped and then looked shocked. She probably doesn't cuss often.
"Because I'm the same exact way." I said shaking my head. "That little voice. It's there. But yours is depressing, mine is demonic. I can't help you, because in order to help you, I have to understand you. But I don't. I will never be able to help you. But I can see what's happening to you. But your fucking perfect. Don't do this to yourself." I said and walked out.
***
"There's a hole,
In my soul.
Can you fill it,
Can you fill it?"
~Flaws by Bastille.
