𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵 𝗺𝗲 𝗶𝗳 𝗜 𝗳𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝟮 ⁑ t.holland

22. you're all I got

[ A shorter chapter <3 ]
Tom's pov

I wasn't actually sure if I wanted to do this part of the trip. I knew dragging Brooklyn along would either tear her apart or do a little good. I was desperate to get the old Brook back so I decided to risk it all and hope for the best. 

She hasn't gotten much sleep at all in the past few days. Now that the lack of alcohol in her system is hitting her harder than usual, and the jet-lag is worse than ever, she had no other choice but to pass out on the jet on our way to Florida. 

Although it was a long flight, I couldn't really get any shut-eye. Visiting Rosewood not only helped Brooklyn remember her musical roots, but it made me think about us years ago. The small things especially.

I shut my locker and turned to Harrison, bag in hand. I could hear him talking to me but my mind was elsewhere. Gradually, my focus wandered off to a familiar pair of ocean blue eyes walking past us. Brook's smile made the rest of the world slow down and I had no idea how or why. 

"I think it looks great" Brooklyn told me, referring to the cheap Halloween decorations hung up on the garage door. 

I laugh and lean back against the front of her dad's truck. "It looks... uhuh..." She rolled her eyes and pushed me off. Both of us laughing until our stomach's hurt.

I ran over to Brooklyn with a Circle K bag in hand. She wore the baggiest pair of sweatpants and one of my old hoodies. She didn't feel well and I knew she didn't want me to worry but obviously, I did. 

I tapped her shoulder, making her tired eyes lock with mine. I pulled out a few bags of candy and an iced coffee and slowly, a smile began tugging at her lips.

I found myself looking up at the sleeping girl with a smile on my face, thinking about all those memories made me realize that she never actually changed. She was thrown into the deep end without warning and that's not her fault, none of it is. She's still the same old Brooklyn Gray from high school and I don't know why I ever thought differently.

There's just something about her that made me turn into a stuttering mess. Every time her eyes look into my own, I forget whatever it was I had to say. Whenever someone says a joke, I'm always looking around for her. I'm looking to see her smile, or hear her laugh even though she's not even there with me. 

I tried my hardest to move on, to try and forget how she made me feel. But, even on my good days she ran through my mind constantly. 

*  *  *
Brooklyn's pov

I knew it'd be hard standing here. I knew it would take a lot for me not to walk away and act as if none of it was ever real. But, I can't keep running away from reality. It's draining and I don't think I can take it anymore.

I placed the small bouquet of flowers in between both gravestones, and stood back up. I felt the hot sun almost burn the back of my neck but I didn't bother to move. My eyes were locked on both stones and I couldn't look away.

Eventually, I swallow the built-up spit in my mouth and look up at Tom who stayed back in the car parked on the path a couple yards away. He was looking down at his phone.
I turn back over to my parents' graves and sigh.

He told me to say something, anything. That maybe it'd bring me a little bit of closure. 
What was I supposed to say? It wasn't as if they'd ever answer.

I clear my throat and shuffle my feet against the green grass. "Sorry for uh..." I pause, squinting because of how bright the sky was. "... not coming sooner."

A breathy laugh escapes my lips and I shake my head, feeling silly for even attempting this. "This is so stupid" I mutter to myself, my eyes wandering off to the rest of the large open cemetery.

My focus finally lands on an older couple, mourning the death of a loved one. I feel slight guilt consuming me little by little with how badly I was lacking emotion.
"I feel like that's how everyone was expecting me to act." I say quietly, still feeling weird for talking to two literal rocks. "I tried convincing myself that I was stronger than that and that I didn't feel the need to actually mourn my parents' death" I laugh out a little. "And... I mean, I did it. But, that doesn't really excuse what I did... or how I acted."

"Mom I..." I started fiddling around with the tips of my fingers, the odd feeling going away slowly. "I made it seem as though it was your fault. Like, I blamed you-- or, your death for messing with my head. That wasn't fair, I realize that now. You were serving our country and I was too selfish to understand."

A few tears began rolling down my pale cheeks but I was quick to wipe the palm of my hand across. "God," I breathe out, more tears trickling down my face. "I was a horrible daughter... I... Dad, Chelsea... I just left. I never looked back-- I'm so sorry" I finally cry out, feeling my bottom lip trembling slightly. "I'll look out for Chelsea, I promise. I won't make the same mistakes as I did all those years ago. She's not gonna want to forgive me, I know it'll take time, but she's the only family I have left. We're all we have, really. I'll be a good sister, I'm... I miss you guys..." 

I look back up to Tom who was still so focused on whatever it was. I felt the corner of my lip tilt up into something resembling a smile. "I'm gonna be okay... I think. He's been helping me out a lot... dealing with my shit when everyone else had enough" I laugh a little, nudging my head in Tom's general direction. "I hope you... I hope you're okay with him sticking around for a little while longer. I know I used to tell you guys how much I hated him for leaving but... honestly, it was all worth it in the end. I'm happy and... I'm trying really hard to say happy. I love you..."

After standing in the scorching sun for a little while longer, I made my way back to the parked car, arms hanging by my sides. 
I opened the door, pulling Tom's attention away from his phone, and sat down, shutting the door once I was fully inside.

At first, I didn't say a single word. I looked up at the windshield with tears still staining my freckled cheeks. Tom sat there, not knowing what to say. I could see the slight worry in his eyes, not knowing which approach would work best in this situation. I mean, shit, I didn't know what I wanted to hear either.

"Thank you" I manage to say, voice breaking. 

He turned to me again, one of his hands resting on the steering wheel. "Of course, I thought it'd be good to--"

"I mean, thanks for caring" I say with a faint smile, a similar one appearing on his face seconds afterwards. 

"Thank you" I said, his eyes meeting mine for barely a second before focusing on his shovel again.
"I told you," He breathed out, "You looked pathetic doing this on your own--"
I frown. "Okay, ouch" I interrupt him. "I meant yesterday. Thank you for caring."
He froze for a moment, processing what I had just said. "Oh. Yeah."

His free hand lands on top of mine gently and we both sit in comfortable silence. His thumb rubbed against the top of my hand and I swore I felt myself break to his touch. 
He looked down at our hands for a second and locked eyes with me again. "You wanna go home?" Tom asked in a soft tone, his voice barely audible. 

"That sounds good..."