𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵 𝗺𝗲 𝗶𝗳 𝗜 𝗳𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝟮 ⁑ t.holland

23. making things right

I stared up at the apartment door, not knowing whether or not I was actually ready to face the rest of the world after getting away for a few days. I knew I'd have to eventually but not yet. 
I took a deep breath and shut my eyes, forcing myself to raise my fist and knock at the wooden door.

Barely even a minute went by and I could hear the lock click on the other side. And, soon enough, Andrea's eyes met mine.

I was exhausted. I thought that coming back home would somehow help with falling asleep. But, I was restless. Almost all of last night, I stayed up, either throwing up or cleaning out the alcohol from the fridge. I couldn't think of anything else other than Andrea, Harrison, or Monica. They kept running through my mind non-stop and I don't think I'll get any sleep at all until I at least try to make things right again.

First stop was Andrea. She's the one I owed the most. She's dealt with my shit the longest, she knows the drill. I've pulled stunts like these ones before; something happens, I lose it, I disappear for a while and apologize for everything. I know she'll think it's just another one of those moments where I fuck up and half-ass an apology. I just have to prove to her that this time is different.

We both stood there, silently, just staring at each other. While I was trying to figure out how to start this kind of conversation, cursing myself out for not thinking about this beforehand, she looked at me, wide-eyed.

I couldn't tell if she was surprised to see me again, or if she was expecting someone else. I've got no idea. All I knew was that she didn't necessarily have a big, bright smile on her face when seeing me stand outside her apartment. 

I swallow the built-up spit in the back of my throat and look away from her for a moment. "I haven't had a drink all week." Her surprised expression surprisingly goes away, becoming softer and more as if she was trying to understand what was coming out of my mouth. "I know it's not a lot to work with" I breathe out, locking eyes again. "But I'm really trying. And, that's not to guilt-trip you either, I'm just saying... I would've done the same thing. That baby comes first, and--" I gesture to her stomach, a soft smile pulling at her lips. 

Before I was able to blabber about how shitty I've been, or how I could've handled the situation better, she pulled me in for a hug. For the first few seconds, I wasn't sure what to do. I didn't know how to react because, in all honesty, I was expecting her to yell at me or at least remind me of how stupid I've been. But, I got a hug instead. 

Gradually, my arms wrap around her body, careful not to crush the literal child growing inside of her. 
It felt nice. It was like weights lifted off my shoulders. I knew this was only the tip of the iceberg when it came to the list of people I had to apologize to, but knowing she wasn't too angry with me, it helped with the guilt.

"B?" Andy said, her chin resting on my shoulder, mine doing the same.

"Yeah?" I answer, not knowing what to expect.

"It's a girl"

I smiled, closing my eyes and tilting my head so it'd lean against hers. "I'm really happy for you, Andy" I tell her, both of us now smiling with tears in our eyes.

*  *  *

It felt weird walking through Gem again. Now that things-- the drama, the rumors-- had settled a little while I was gone, people weren't so stressed out and overwhelmed with publicity. You'd think that'd make their hatred towards me go away a little but, the staring proved to me that I had a lot more people in need of apologies than I thought.

I didn't stop anywhere while walking through, I didn't say hi to anyone or let them welcome me back. All I did was go straight for Monica's office. 
There was no doubt in my mind that she was somewhere in this building. But, of course, she was in her large office on the top floor.