Her bestfriends sorrow

1.

Well im Maddy, and a few days ago my bestfriend Alison told me she is suffering from depression. Constantly she think about suicide, and it's been like this for 3 months. I felt in shock because for the past 3 months i couldn't see anything wrong. And i still didn't untill that night. All of our little fights, that we both knew at this point never meant anything, could have just been making her situation worse and worse. And all i could feel that whole night was guilt filling inside of me. Then i remembered all the fun times we have had these past few months. So it was not me taking any part into the blaming of her depression. It was just society, and different causes. But all i could say was it's ok. And how we are going to get through this together. But she doesn't seem to want help from me. She had told her parents about her feeling depressed but not the whole situation. Her parents had called a therapy place but they didn't answer. They also never called back this was 6 weeks ago. So things must have gotten worse because its at this point she is telling me what she is going through. She did not tell her parents about the cutting, and the thought of suicide. Only that she felt unhappy and was always sad. All i can think about is her crying in her room, with no one to be with her, but by herself. In her room then she goes and to her box pulling out different razors, choosing which razor to use by how deep she wants to make the cut. And once she does the blood drips to the floor and at that moment she feels relief, but knows at the same time it didn't solve anything. But for those few minutes, she feels happy and feels like shes done something good. Then after its all done she takes an old rag and cleans the blood of the floor, acting as it never happened, leaving no evidence for her parents to find. Feeling as if, if her parents had found out she cut they would just be mad and disappointed instead of sympathetic and caring. So it would just make the situation worse. So i feel i have a responsibility over her, not because of her thoughts of suicide, but because im one of the only ones she can fully trust and turn to.