Ending At The Start

Chapter 1

No one really pays attention to what you say, but to more of what one does. If you tell someone how you feel they either take it to far, disregard it, or say something along the lines of "it gets better, it just takes time". The thing with that phrase everyone says, it's not that it isn't true. It just doesn't work for everyone you tell it to. For some it gets better, and for others it gets worse. And if you're me, it goes numb.

Have you ever read the book "No Longer Human"? If you haven't you should, it's quite a good book. It about this man and how he's struggling between himself and society, and how he is being disqualified as a human being. I feel almost as if this is what this "book" is about. In the end of No Longer Human it was his last published book because it reflected back as his suicide note that had been published into artwork. Looking at my bookcase across the room I imagine this if it was written down on paper and sealed up like his. How this would sit in a shelf blending in with thousands of other books in the same library. You cannot tell the difference from each book unless you look inside. Just like me. In a crowd of thousands you'd have to search for me, and once you do find me you'd only recognize my cover, because no one yet has had a chance to read me.

Love is the illusion of having someone there for you, to care for, to console you, but it's never actually real. Once the one you think you love doesn't provide you with the support you need you find another. For me it was like I knew I loved them, but simply could not find where my love is. My heart? Or in my soul? But in reality it was just in my head, where everything else bad seems to be found.
Maybe I didn't love you, but just wanted you to love me. What if it was all a lie...but for a short time i have to admit it was Beautiful. At the end of our story I saw you break. I saw you break into a thousand pieces. Knowing i would be the only person able to put you back together, I still felt nothing. If I did feel something, I wouldn't feel upset.
But tell me, how could I be the villain if this is my story?

Loneliness is a funny thing. Being alone doesn't bother you, but feeling lonely does for when things get tough, you have no one to turn to. When i'm next to ones I love I get lonely. It's not the act of physically being alone it's the feeling of not being included and alienated to those around you. It's A feeling that is indescribable to those who have not felt it, and needs no description to those who have. Its something difficult to understand because no matter how included you may be in something, how many friends, or hobbies you have, you can still feel lonely in the middle of it.