Fading Light

The Blood

All I really remember is walking home from a party that was out of control. The taste of the fear gas the images that I saw; still trapped in my mind pulsing against my brain. People I loved and cared about suddenly spitting blood and falling over. Ants burrowing into my eyes, under my skin finding their way into my mouth and crawling down my throat. The images that won't leave my mind. Fear gas is suppose to wear off so maybe it is just me, my worst thoughts surfacing after so many years of therapy. Maybe their murder was my fault, maybe the only way to repay my weakness and my unable to do anything is to join them... Just my thoughts going off again, well thats what I thought. But maybe not... Feeling more defeated then I usually do when I get home, I still don't remember how i got home... Anyway, I ran crying to my room. For an hour my parents try to coax my out... But of cause I can't leave because I broke my one promise. I am surrounded by bloody paper towels, raw looking gashes covering my body. I want to leave my body anyway so there is no point in looking after it and preventing scars. I crawl into bed not caring if anyone else sees the blood. Oh well maybe they will realise I need help, or my thoughts to stop and my mind to end... Either way will work.

Then it was morning, my head was throbbing and my mind already awake hours before. School... Or as I call it Hell. Where all the slut conventions occur and they pick on us less superior ones. Obviously I don't have any friends at school, they're all dead anyway. I just want to know why I was left, why didn't they kill me too. Was it so I could stand here day after day tormenting myself with guilt for still being alive? Well maybe that will have to change... No stupid thoughts, why do you never stop mind? Damn it is hot in school... But of cause I have to wear long sleeves due to last nights damage. Doesn't matter I guess; I have a feeling this body isn't gonna last much longer anyway. Just when and how are the questions that my mind has to answer. I already know no one will care if I left... And all of the ones that did care are dead. Well damn life sucks. School is a blur like usually; I don't even know why I bother going it's not like I am sticking around long enough to have a future anyway so why bother? I guess I can't let the parents know, that would be bad... Very bad. Home now, it truly is amazing how I can get from place to place without noticing. My mind demands all my attention anyway. And now I am in my room again adding more scars, adding more red to my twisted painting that I feel will never be quite complete. Bed... not really, my mind never sleeps. Thought after thought of how to end it. Different ways and methods popping into my head all at once. When will they end. Well at least that is a simple question; they will end when I stop them... Permanently.

After three years of feeling this agony since my friends death I am finally gonna end it. Peace is the only word playing through my mind. An end to the darkness... Where I will end up is a complete mystery, but anywhere is better then here. There a just a few matters to attend to before I can end this horrible nightmare that is my life. How, where and when are the only words playing through my mind for the next seven days, but then the answer hits me...

I will simply hang myself. From a tree out the front of my school. I have never been so happy to live so close to my place of education commanly known as hell. That night I write my Good bye letter to my mother and father...

Dear Parents, you two have done Satan proud... He never knew his spawn could achieve their goal so well, he didn't know you could fuck up my life so perfectly. But what he doesnt know is I am on my way to hell right now and I am about to start a cue, so say good bye to to the new ruler of hell ME!!! Good bye forever unless you die, although no way I am letting you guys into hell have fun being ghosts

From Your Fucked Up Daughter

P.S I fucking hate you guys

Well now that the note is out of the way I might as well leave... I glance over at the time 1:30 am. Okay good let's go then...

I arrive at the school and find my tree. I pull out the rope and fashion a noose, once I have scaled the tree I fasten the noose to a thick branch and slip it over my head. Then I jump... There is no turning back now. The light begins to fade, but life isn't quite through with me yet, I flash back to my friends deaths.

I remember the screaming and running, the fear, the smell of blood... The serial killer leaning into my face looking me dead in the eyes. I will never forget those eyes, black and empty. Not even the strongest of lights could find the bottom of them. My friends mutilated bodies sitting twisted around the old house, their blood creating trails stretching towards me, almost to say good bye. They are gone now and soon I will be too... My thoughts begin to dim, the pain I have felt for three years leaving my body. I have no idea why that serial killer left me, but it was a waste. Because now I can feel my eyes begin to close, my feet to stop twitching. I know this is the end and I feel fully at peace. Standing infront of me are my friends; they reach out their hands towards me and with out a seconds hesitation I cling to them and I am never letting them go again...