Murders Of The Past

FIFTEEN

I RACE UP the stairs and straight to my room, slamming the door shut and diving into my bed, curling up under the covers and pressing my face into the gray pillow, debating whether it's a good idea to scream or not. Hm, why not?

  I open my mouth, taking in a breath of air, about to scream, when I hear the door open, and I freeze, my mouth still open against the pillow.

  "Sadie," he sighs, shutting the door. Why did he close it? He just locked me in here with him. I don't want to be locked in here with him. I want to be locked in here with myself. No, I don't even want to be locked in here with myself. I'm a handful.

  "Can we talk?" I don't reply. "I'll take your silence as a no." As you should. I feel saliva sliding down my tongue. Ew! I quickly close my mouth before I drool on the pillow.

  "The problems I am experiencing in my married life are... Listening to him snore." My scowl suddenly softens as I realize he's reading my paper. "Eating his nasty food-- ouch. Listening to him talk. Looking at his ugly face. Being in the same room as him because he smells like a dead rat. Sharing a bed with him and his giant rhinoceros ass-- OK really?" I snort. "I'm trying to fix our marriage, Sadie. Can you please take this seriously? At least try?"

  "I was taking it seriously," I mutter.

  "Really?"

  "Yeah..." I hear him sigh.

  "Sadie. What's going on?" I feel the mattress dip as he sits down beside me. See? Rhinoceros ass.

  "I'm nappin'."

  "I'm talking about when you said, 'I don't want to do this anymore.' What was that about?" I shrug, closing my eyes.

  "I don't know-- "

  "You do know. Be honest with me." Why do I need to be honest with him? Why do I need to be honest with anyone? "The more you lie to me, the more we'll have to attend couples therapy." My eyes snap open. How dare he. I let out a breath.

  "I'm just tired of this."

  "Of us?" I frown, shaking my head. I bring my arms up, propping myself up with my elbows.

  "No. Of this." I wave my hand around. Carlos looks around confused.

  "What's 'this?'"

  "This..." I look away, wondering how I should word this. "Come on," I huff, looking up at him. "Tell me you don't hate living like this."

  "You hate living like this? How? We have everything we could ever need. When I was a kid, my family-- "

  "No, no." I shake my head. "Living like... adults." Carlos blinks his blue eyes.

  "I mean, I hate paying bills and taxes but other than-- " Carlos snaps his mouth shut when I choke. I slap my hand over my mouth, squeezing my eyes shut as warm tears slide down my cheeks. "Sadie?"

  I whimper, rolling onto my side and bringing my knees to my chest, curling up.

  "Sadie..." Carlos grabs my elbows, sliding me over to him, my head laying in his lap. "What is it?" He asks. I sniffle.

  "You're ugly," I cry. Carlos's fingers stop stroking my arms. I start smiling but then remember I was crying, and cry again.

"Really?" I nod my head.

"That's why I left you in Orange Leaf. Because I was tired of looking at your ugly face." I sniffle, bringing my hand up and wiping away a tear.

"Wait, you mean with the explosion?" I nod. "You said you left because you wanted the war to end." I roll my eyes.