My Introvert Journey

PART 1

When i was a just a little kid i was so shy around people and i cant even talk when someone is asking or questioning me, and the saddest thing that i experience when i was just a kid is that someone thought that i was a special child. Special child means are people who need special help or care, for example because they are physically or mentally disabled. That hurts so bad until now i cant forget that. And im so scared talking to people. Im nervous when my birthday is coming and i will be surrounded by people and when they greet me. Im not even close with my own relatives because i dont talk too much, i only talk when im with my parents or siblings and when someone asks me i get nervous easily and i dont know what will i say because im scared if i said anything wrong, And i was born being lonely my parents wont let me go outside because they are protective and its fine to me. And also in school i was always struggling especially when doing a report in project you need to loud your voice, my teachers always told me that i should louder my voice i was so struggling because that was my loudest voice and i cant do anything about it so i just tried my best to loud my voice, Both of my siblings are extroverts they have so many friends and i was jealous of them because im the only one that is different from our siblings, and i always have a poker face and i dont laugh that much, i dont know how to make friends or how to talk to them first but gratefully when i was in elementary i have friends but only one or two and they were introverts too and it takes many weeks for me to be friends with them because i am so shy to them and find it hard to be close to other people
And i dont care having friends when i was a kid because my mother told me that its okay when you dont have friends grades are important thats why you go to school. And i kept that in mind but i misunderstand my mom i thought that i will not make friends and just focus in my studies and grades and i become so selfish around people. I became very selfish when i was in Grade 6 that is my hatest year, Many people around me dont like me because im quiet and boring and selfish and i didnt think that when i was grade 6, But when i always see my siblings with their friends having fun and i am always out of place when my siblings are with their friends and when they told me "wheres your friends?" I feel so sad because i realize that i have friends but they are same as me...And when we have a fieldtrip in school my uncle is always there with me and always asks me "Wheres your friends?, go play with them" and when he asks that i just said "I dont to play im tired i just want to sit" but in my heart i really want to join them. Being an introvert is really hard and dont worry im here to motivate you if you want to change your life like me.