Under the lights tonight || Park Jimin

11

It's been almost two weeks since BTS has returned to Korea. It was nice knowing that I can't be cornered into hanging out with Jimin anymore but that hasn't stopped him from messaging me. He says good morning and goodnight every day, sending a shot little message about his dream or what he did during the day. I responded for the first few days then I got busier at work, I was finally moving up and they were allowing me to market a few of my designs, things were hectic. I did feel a little bad for not responding to his messages but I just don't have time. I barely have time to hang out with Stella as it is. We only see each other too and from work. Like now is one of our rare moments together, walking home from work.

"Bye Stella." I wave as she walks on towards her house.

"Bye Ana." She waves.

I open the gate and head up the steps. I push the door right open, seeing that Aunt Mae had left it unlocked again, "Aunt Mae, we've talked about the door," I sigh, taking off my shoes and hanging my coat. I walk further into the house, hearing her in the kitchen, "I'm really thinking pizza for dinner what do-" I stop once I get into the kitchen seeing her head in my hands, crying, "What's the matter?" I rush to her side, "Aunt Mae what happened?"

She takes a deep breath before pulling her head out of her hands, "There's been an accident."

"What?"

"A very bad accident," She says with tears in her eyes, "I'm so sorry Ana."

"Aunt Mae, what happened?" Tears were welling in my eyes.

"There was an accident at the construction site, your dad was trapped inside a building when it collapsed," She pauses, wiping her tears and reading my face, "I'm sorry Ana, he didn't make it."My heart felt like it was ripped from my body, my father and I may not have been close but this was still something I never wanted to hear, "What?"

"I'm sorry Ana," Aunt Mae pulls me into a hug, "I'm so sorry." She cries as I wrap my arms around her. I feel bad for her, losing her only brother and her only remaining family beside us.

"I'm sorry too," Tears begin to stream silently down my face, my father and I were not close but Aunt Mae and my dad were best friends, "I know how much he meant to you."

We sit embracing for a moment in the silence before she pulls away. "Ana," My aunt starts, "I have to go back to Korea for the funeral."

"You should." I nod, wiping a few tears from under my eye.

"Ana I don't want to go alone."

My heart stops, "Aunt Mae, I'm sorry but I can't go."

"Please Ana," She begs, "He was my brother, my best friend, your father. You should go."

"I really can't." I look away from her avoiding eye contact.

"But what about Yeonjun? San?" She brings up my younger brothers.

My next thought went to the other people I had been avoiding, my brothers, "Where are they? Are they okay?" Now that dad was gone, Aunt Mae is all we have. They have no family in Korea now.

She pulls back, "The boys are alright, they're staying with a friend of mine." She wipes her tears, "You should see how big they've gotten." She pauses reminiscing from her trip last year, where I still declined to go.

"I know I should be there for them more." A wave of guilt came over me, I should be there for my little brothers since my older brother, Ji-hun is in the military. I used to talk to my older brother Ji-hun from time to time but not nearly enough and my younger brothers I never spoke to. It's not like Yeonjun would remember me, he was only an infant when I left and San probably hates me for leaving and never coming back. I couldn't tell him why though, he wouldn't understand he was so young.

"They need you now more than ever."

"Aunt Mae I can't go with you," I turn to walk away, "I know this is going to be hard for you, and I know this is going to be difficult for the boys but I can't go. I won't." My tears turned into anger. I left Korea because I was unwanted and I promised to never go back for that reason.

"This isn't just about me," She reassures, "Your brothers need you."

"They can mourn without me."

"Ana I wish it was that simple," Aunt Mae raises her voice, "You are being selfish. You need to think of your family."

"Like they thought of me when I got sent away?" I shout.

Aunt Mae shuts her mouth and recollects her thoughts, "Ana I never approved of that choice but it's over and done with. I think you need to move on and let go. You're never going to get to be with your brothers again and be happy if you don't move on."

"It's hard to move on when every day I have to look in the mirror and I look just like her!" I scream, my whole body shaking with anger and sadness.

"Your father wasn't right to do that to you," Aunt Mae sniffles, "I never agreed but I wasn't going to let him throw you on the street, just like your brothers will be. You need to step up for them."

"Can't you just go and bring them back with you?"

"Ana listen to me," Her tone is stern, one she doesn't use often. I stop dead in my tracks and make contact with her, "I can't do that because I'm not who has custody of them."

"What?" I cock my head to the side, wondering who on this plant my father met, and decided to remarry after mom.

"Your father had always put Ji-hun down as their guardian in case anything happens to those kids," She starts, "But Ji-hun is in the military and he's active duty, he can't take them. You didn't know but I did, your father put you as their guardian."

"What?" I shout, this time not in anger or sadness but pure shock. I haven't seen or spoke to them in 7 years and I'm now their guardian.

"I'm sorry I never told you, I didn't think it would ever matter."

"Why? Why would he do this?"

"Cause you're family Ana." My aunt puts on a weak smile.

"But we haven't spoken in years why would he say that?" My heart was pounding with nerves.

"Cause no one ever thought it would happen." Aunt Mae snaps, "Can you not make this about you for one minute?"

"It is about me," I snap back, "This is a life-changing thing. I'm now a guardian for two kids, who I'm not even close to."

"Those kids' lives are about to be just as shaken up as you." Aunt Mae sighs.

"I know but this is going to impact me a lot more than them because now I have to raise two kids."

"The same could be said about me you know," Aunt Mae narrows her eyes, "I didn't have kids for a reason and I got stuck with you."

"And I'm sorry you did." I apologize, "You shouldn't have had to." We make eye contact for a moment.

Aunt Mae sighs, clearly defeated, "What do you want to do then?"

"What choice do I have?" I pull out the chair beside her, sitting down.

"Well if it bothers you that much, I can take custody of them," Aunt Mae puts her head into her hands again, "So you can not worry about this mess." I stop to think for a moment. It would be easy for me to walk away, it would be nice knowing they're with someone who cares about them like Mae. I think it would be easy for me too, I could easily move on, knowing I'm not responsible. I can't though. I know how it feels to be dumped with someone who wasn't really sure about taking you in the first place. I can't do much for them now but I'm going to do everything I can.

"No," I stop her, "I don't want to do that."

"So what do you want to do?" She looks up from her hands.

"I'm going back to Korea with you."

Aunt Mae smiles, "I'm glad you're coming with." She reaches forward and takes my head, "This will be good for you, for all of the family."