The Night We Met | Steve / Bucky

fifty-seven - i can't make you love me

Katherine sat in the guest room. She sat with her back against the headboard, her knees pulled to her chest. She clutched a piece of paper tightly in her hands, re-reading the handwritten words in front of her. She had read it over and over again, so much that she became numb to the writings on the page. Words did not appear in front over her, only scribbles. 

Once she had enough, she folded it back over - the crease wearing thin, and popped it back into the top drawer of her bedside table. She shut the drawer tight, not to be opened until she needed to read it again - to hurt herself, to feel pain. 

The echoes of a babies cries were heard from downstairs. The first few days, Katherine jumped at the sound wanting to help and soothe the child. But now, it was an echo in the back of her mind. 

The insides of her mouth stung from the times that Katherine bit her lips, tongue and inside of her cheek to prevent tears from prevailing. But she was alone, who cared if she cried? No one would see her and as long as she remained quiet, Tony and Pepper would not suspect anything. 

Tony checked in on Katherine every hour, asking if she wanted water, a snack, a person to speak to. But Katherine needed to - wanted to - be alone. Katherine sat on the bed, taking a deep breath in. Her fingers met her chest, her fingertips intertwining with the ring that felt like a weight around her neck. She nodded to herself, almost reassuring herself that it was time. With a snap, Katherine pulled the necklace from around her neck - already feeling several pounds lighter. 

She moved her head from side to side, as if the necklace did resemble a weight and she needed to stretch out her neck. She placed the necklace on the bedside table, not wanting to look at it. Just then, a voice took Katherine's interest. It was Tony, downstairs, "You know, you've got some nerve showing up here." Katherine perked her ears up, trying to listen in on the conversation. "You haven't called, text, nothing. Nada." 

Katherine climbed from the bed, taking careful footsteps toward the door, praying that the floorboards beneath her feet did not creak and give away her voyeuristic tendencies. "I know. I - we - just needed time." A familiar voice spoke. Katherine felt her heart rate increase - the most it has in days. 

Katherine swung the door open, revealing herself and marched down the stairs. There, stood Steve at the front door with Tony standing opposite him - interrogating him. "I've got this, Tony." Katherine spoke to Tony who looked at her taken aback. 

Tony looked between the pair before leaving to tend to Morgan in the kitchen with Pepper. Katherine stepped past Steve and onto the porch, closing the door behind her. "Look," Steve spoke gently, "I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking writing those letters -"

Katherine held up her hand to stop Steve from speaking. Katherine made her way to one of the chairs on the porch, sitting down and making herself comfortable. Steve followed her lead and took the chair opposite her, "I don't want to hear anything you have to say." Katherine spoke. 

Steve looked to Katherine with bewilderment, "Are we not going to talk this out?"

Katherine turned her head and looked out at the lake - the late afternoon sun reflecting off the water. "No." Katherine said softly. Steve felt uncomfortable with how calm Katherine was. He noticed how pale she had become, how worn out she looked. He felt guilty, more than he could express in words. Her cheeks were dry, her pupils were dilating and her tone of voice was almost soothing. Katherine looked back to Steve, "There is nothing we need to talk about." 

Steve furrowed his brows at Katherine, not understanding how the situation was to be resolved. "I didn't mean to keep any of it." Steve spoke anyways, wanting to clear the air between them. Steve's eyes then wandered to Katherine's neck - a notable piece of jewelry absent. Steve cleared his throat, fiddling with his thumbs, "Where's your ring?" He looked to his hands, not wanting to know the answer - suddenly realizing that the situation was far worse than he originally thought. 

Katherine looked to Steve, "I threw it in the lake." 

Steve felt his whole world crash around him. His heart shattered - he was convinced Katherine could hear the ache he suddenly felt. Almost as if his heart could be heard shattering into millions of pieces. Steve choked on his breath, his eyes slowly meeting Katherines, "So that's it then? We're done?" Katherine didn't answer him - she didn't want to answer. She couldn't bare say the words out loud. Steve wanted to give her a moment to respond, but he felt worry, panic set in. This was happening. Why won't she talk about it? He has a reasonable explanation. "So you're just going to give up on us, like that?"

Katherine felt the sudden burn of tears begin to sting her eyes. She had stayed so composed for so long and she didn't know how much she could hold everything in. "You broke my heart." Her voice cracked. Her bottom lip quivered, she quickly bit down to prevent a cry escaping her lips. 

Steve could see the hurt in her eyes. He hadn't realized until now just how hurt Katherine was by his actions. "I'm not giving up, Kat." Steve spoke, "Fight for us." 

Katherine slowly shook her head, her eyes becoming glassy. "I kept one of your letters." She spoke, her voice cracked with every word, "I read it everyday." Steve felt his heart thump in his chest - not wanting to know the words Katherine has embedded in her brain, "You say how much you love her and miss her." Steve lowered his head, knowing exactly what letter Katherine had kept, "And you say that I can't give you the only thing you want - a family." A tear rolled down Katherine's cheek, "So, I'm letting you go." Steve swallowed hard, his eyes becoming glassy, "I don't want to keep standing in your way -"

" - I told you that I wanted you, Kat. Everything else doesn't matter."

"The letter is dated the day Morgan was born." Katherine spoke bluntly. Steve lowered his head, trying to hide his heartache. "I don't want to be that person that prevents you from living your life. I'm not doing it." 

Steve lifted his head, looking to Katherine. He couldn't argue with her. Her tone was direct and clear and Steve knew exactly what she was saying - there was no changing her mind, "I wasn't trying to hurt you."

Katherine nodded, Steve's sincere tone echoing in her ears, "I know you weren't." Katherine slowly got to her feet, "I'm sorry."

Steve shook his head, climbing to his feet also. "No. I'm sorry." Steve breathed, "I did this to us." 

"It was going to happen eventually."

Steve shook his head, not wanting to believe it. Not wanting to believe anything that was going on at the moment. He didn't want to think of their relationship as a lost cause, apparently Katherine believed so. Steve took a breath, looking around at the surroundings - the lake, the woods, Katherine's dark brown eyes. "I'll never stop loving you."

"I know." Katherine said, trying her best to smile but it seemed impossible. Steve looked to Katherine - believing it would be the last time. He made sure he took everything in - her deep brown eyes that could melt anything in her sight, her long brown hair that was braided to the side, the freckles along her nose, the small beauty mark on her neck. Steve lifted his fingers, gently pushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear. His knuckles brushed against her cheek - instead of butterflies, all Katherine felt was pain. Katherine lifted her hand and held onto Steve's, holding his hand in place against her cheek. Steve looked down to Katherine, "Just one more." She said softly. 

Steve didn't need to be told twice. He leaned down slowly. His lips delicately placed on hers. Katherine squeezed her eyes shut, a tear escaping. Katherine felt his warmth, his love, his desperation to stay longer. Steve didn't want to part - he couldn't. It seemed physically impossible to pull away from her. Katherine's touch lit a fire within him, a fire he had never felt before. But he had to let go. He had to move on. 

Steve pulled away, leaving a void. Katherine wished he could stay a few moments longer but she knew he had to go. Steve exhaled, turning on his heel and walking across the porch back toward his car. Katherine watched as he left, not wanting to take her eyes from him. Katherine quickly wiped her tears, "I love you." Katherine called after him, sniffling.

Steve briefly turned around with a faint smile, "I know."