Before I start saying anything I'm going to tell you about my life before I go on telling you my life story. Why I will act the way I do. Why I look the way I do. And why I push people away easily and why I think that's the best choose.
How it started......let say ten years after I was born my father came back. He left before I was born for another women. My mother was madly in love with him. Always has been and I never could see why. I didn't really know him till a year later.
A year before he moved in with me, my mom and brother, my mother started to get calls from him. He would say how sorry he was and how he made the worst choose of his life leaving her and leaving her with a new born baby with no help. My mother would cry every night when he called. I got less sleep because of it. Let's just say she wasn't at all a quiet crier. I got angry easy. I would drift off into a daydreams of how my father would be if he stayed. My mother would call me for something and I wouldn't hear her so i got yelled at a lot because of that.
I was always a good child. Never said no and if I did have to I didn't know how. So.....I would say yes. Finally my father moved in and the first three years they were all lovey dovey and would be going on dates everyday. Let's say they were like teenager madly in love.
Then the fighting over money came in. I got depression because of it. Like any other child I hated to see my parent fight. I wanted to be that happy family.
My father left to go sleep some were else that night to give each other a break.
That night....... He was at a bar and got into a huge fight. And when I mean huge I mean he was put into a hospital. He wasn't doing good. He got stabbed in the chest twice. Broke an arm and had a concussion. Then after that they found out that he had lung cancer from smoking. It was bad...... They told us he didn't have long. That he only had a month.
He bleed out for that month and the cancer was shutting him down.
The Doctor told us he would survive another month that he was doing good. Well.....he really wasent . I could tell. The next morning...at four thirty eight am Monday of October ...... He passed away. And I will never forget the face my mother had hearing thoughts words.
My second problem..... After two year passed I was fifteen years old with stress and depression. Every morning and mid day I took pills for it. I had early stages of bipolar disease. And I had started to cut. And I tried to commit suicide three times.
I was bullied at school for being the girl without a father and a crazy mother. Cutting and trying to commit suicide. The only reason why they knew is because my mother asked for it to be on the news. Only because she wanted attention. She was a hooker an alcoholic and drug attic.
My grades were A's. The only reason why is because teacher would feel guilty because they felt like they were adding stress onto my life so they made me perfect. But in one class..... A teacher though that since my mother was a whore that I would also be one. I was rapped.
I wasn't allowed to tell anyone. My mother would beat me because of it. She would think that I was jealous of her and was trying to he like her but it wasn't true.
My third problem..... I got a good friend finally. Someone who knew what it was like to be me. Or at least I thought. Me and him had gotten together. It was a one sided love. I felt like he was the first and last. We had done it but.....he wanted more. He told me that I had to come to his house every Tuesday and frieday. Was only allowed to wear long sleeves and pants. The only time I was allowed to wear a dress was when I was father going to his house or if there was a dance at school. He wanted to show me off. Because in his eyes I had the perfect body. And the perfect face. He told everyone that I was better and that I was a perfect child. People started to talk to me more but it was because of the fact that I was " perfect".
This went on for a year till someone who was real found out and stood up for me. We till this day are good friends. My brother calls us two peas in a pod.
My fourth problem....... So I was happy and everything my brother was successful in life he moved out and got a wife and a few kids but he loved to bet. One night he decided to go to a wrestling mach and bet on who would win. Lets say he lost at two things.....the bet..and..a knife fight.
