All I Know

Will You Dance With Me?

It was a late night and my break from school was just about over, but I still had a couple nights with Jeffrey. Truth be told Jeffrey and I probably spent more time than we should together, but I never got tired of his face like people asked. I never got sick of his presence. However tonight the night was silent and Jeffrey and I couldn't speak. We had no words because days before I did something stupid. At eighteen I had to do something that most eighteen year olds would have done, I had to know what wasted felt like. October 31st, otherwise known as Halloween was the very first party and time that I got drunk. I don't remember much from it, but I remember a familiar face was there. Brian was there, he was someone who I knew only for a short period of time.

I threw up probably over five times that night and when I woke up Brian was in bed next to me. Jeffrey was busy with school and therefore he was not there, but Jeffrey wasn't one for parties anyways. I remembered bits and parts like his tongue down my throat and the taste of smoke. The taste of a cigarette is strong and dirty. I never knew how different a kiss could feel like or how rough and forced it could feel. I cried endlessly the day after and when I told Jeffrey his initial reaction was to kill the guy who dared to lay his hands on me. 

That was the first time I was scared of Jeffrey. His silence was riveting and I was terrified. I could see the veins on his neck pulse and his gulp was deep and loud. He kept his eyes on me, they looked empty the moment I told him. Again I started to cry. That seemed to change his reaction. He wiped my tears, held me close, and told me that no one will ever hurt me again. I believed him or at least I wanted to believe him and that was the most I could do. 

"Hey, dance with me", he whispered. I stopped crying and looked at him with a confused face. He didn't even wait for my response, but instead he pulled me up gently and we were swaying slowly in my small cramped up room. I closed my eyes and just followed wherever he led me, but the quietness was eating away at my thoughts. 

"Wait..", I reached into my pocket and took out my phone. I started to play a soft song and there we continued to sway back and forth. Jeffrey's touch has never been so gentle. The way he caressed my cheeks and held me close made my heart pound. That night was the first night where I truly felt his love for me. I was eighteen, but his promise and the safety of his arms around me made it feel like he was there my entire life.