his star

𝐈𝐗

𝐀𝐝𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚

The sun feels warm on my skin and the birds are whistling, making me feel a bit more comfortable.

The weather indicates that it should be a beautiful day, because of the warmth and the flowers around me. I should enjoy the nature now, because in a few weeks green and pink starts to turn into yellow and brown.

But I can't enjoy it.

Not one single bit.

"Do you want me to hold this?" Pansy asks me when I try to put my hair in a bun, but my hand is occupied.

"No. It's okay." I give her a slight smile before putting the picture I was holding between my lips to free my hand.

No one can touch the photograph, at least not today.

Maybe it's a bit ridiculous to carry a picture with me, it surely looks pathetic, but I need it today. I need to feel the special connection I have with the person who is standing next to me on the photograph.

"You're okay with this, right? I suggested this yesterday out of nowhere and forgot to really ask, if you want to go with me"

"I'm glad you came up with the idea, Pans. Thank you." I assure my best friend.

In fact I'm more than happy that she wanted to skip breakfast today to go with me to Hogsmeade. The loudness in the Great Hall would probably be too much for me today and I'm glad to spend my morning with her in peace.

The small village isn't filled with a lot of people and it lets me wonder why. On a day like this, every student would want to go out of the school to have a nice day, but I assume that they'll go on their trip in the afternoon.

I hear the bells ring when I open the door to enter the small pub and I can smell the so familiar scent of Butterbeer.

Before the two of us look for an empty table, we go to Madam Rosmerta to order two Butterbeers and two apple pies.

With the food and drinks in our hands, we find our way to the back of the Inn and finally sit down.

A few older people are spending their morning in the Three Broomsticks too and I feel relieved to hear them talking, because that means that I can have a conversation with Pansy without being overheard.

"Do you want to do anything later this day or do you fancy being alone?" her voice sounds empathetic and I can hear that she is concerned to say the wrong thing.

"I'm not sure yet. I mean I'm really grateful that you are here for me, but I just don't know what I want. I guess I'll let you know then."

The situation I'm in is weird and it makes me feel uncomfortable. Technically I have nothing to be afraid of, because I know that Pansy doesn't think bad of me or anything like that. I just feel like she is pitying me and that's what is bothering me.

I don't want to seem weak to others, because usually I'm not. At least I don't want to admit it to myself.

But on days like this, it's like I have no other choice than to accept my feelings.

"Have you..have you thought about writing to your mother? Maybe it'll help-"

"No." my voice interrupts her sentence and I look her in the eyes, showing her that I'm serious about it.

"If she doesn't pick up the courage to send a letter to her own daughter, neither do I."

"I gave in last year and she didn't send me a response. In fact, she never even talked about it. I was devastated and I needed her, but you know what she did? Right, nothing. You and Blaise were the only people who were there for me and she didn't give a fuck about me, her own daughter."