The Miniature Door

My 'Miniature Wooden Door'

'Just put one step forward unlock the door, open it and walk through it. It's that easy isn't it'. I think to myself.

All morning I have been ready, well ready as in being dressed, but mentally I'm finding it hard to want to leave my day-dreaming trance of trying to overcome the 'Miniature Wooden door', I feel trapped behind.

A buzz from my phone distracts my thoughts, I check it and I can see its a text from Josie, my best friend. *Hey Em, are you still up for today. I was thinking of stopping at a coffee shop. Then finding a park to walk around in*. I read the text and instantly start to write *Hey, can we do this another time*. But before pressing send I think of the last time I have been out, and it has been a while. So I decide to delete the text and start again *Hey Jos, yes I would love to*. As soon as I send the text the black rider boot that was behind my 'Miniature Wooden door' has moved back a little.

*I was thinking of meeting you at yours in 3,2,1*. Josie sends the text and a second later she knocks my front door. Even before seeing my best friends face I cannot stop the smile forming, because this will be the first time in weeks I have had the physical and mental energy to want to be around someone. 'Hey Ema, I have missed you'. Josie cuddles me as soon as I open the door and I feel happy, not a fake happy but a genuine happy which makes me cuddle Josie back. Returning back to my thoughts for a second I have realised that the black rider boot has vanished completely from behind the door. 'Hey Jos, it's so nice to see you, I have missed you at lot. I'm sorry'. I tell her and apologise for disappearing from her and the world because I haven't been myself for a while. 'Em, you do not have to apologise if you need time for yourself, you are entitled to that'. Josie tells me with an understanding tone and not the harsh tone I'd been worrying about. 'Thank you for understanding'. I tell Josie and we cuddle for a couple more minutes before leaving for our planned day out.
                               ...
'Can I have a caramel Frappuccino please, and a Latte please'. We tell the man behind the cash desk at the coffee shop. This latte is lovely, I had forgotten how good the coffee is. 'I should come here more often' I plan to myself. We decide to follow the path behind us and it leads to a park full of different trees, flowers and bushes, it's so bright. I have been to this park before, but I usually walk around with my earphones in, and hadn't noticed how colourful it is, I thought this park was colourless. 'Wow, how beautiful is this park'. I say aloud in surprise. 'Isn't it just, the more we walk the more beautiful the colours are'. Josie tells me and for the first time in a while I take a snap of my view.
After walking and talking to each other, we decide to sit on a wooden bench that overlooks the lake. Josie and I notice an older lady feeding the birds, ducks and geese with a bag full of bread crumbs. I also notice the blue and white lighthouse that has become a resting place for the birds that are resting from thier swim from the path that people walk on to the middle of the lake where the lighthouse is situated. Josie and I finish our coffee's while we both take in the view of the sunshine that's making the lake glisten.

Before we take another walk around the lake I take another moment to be with my thoughts and I've noticed the 'Miniature Wooden Door' the door only I can see, the name I have given for my anxiety, now has a key hole situated just under the door handle. 'I'm getting closer to opening the door that has been stuck for weeks'. I internally shout. As we sit on the bench Josie turns to look at me and says 'If you ever need to talk to someone, I am always here'. I cannot help but feel tearful, because it is nice to hear someone say that because sometimes I feel alone. 'Thank you for that Josie'. I say and after a deep breath I say 'Can I talk to you now'. Josie nods and I tell her everything that I'm struggling with and with every word my shoulders feel light, like as if the world is no longer weighing down on me. 'thank you for listening Josie, that's all I've ever wanted, to feel like I am being listened to'. I say.

                               ...

'Today was a good day'. I whisper to myself while I lay in bed remembering the day out Josie and I had. Before bed I cannot help but wonder if my 'Miniature Wooden Door' has changed slightly. I have noticed a green leaf poking out of the key hole however, the more I look at it the more I can see a shape of a key. Maybe this means I can open it again. 'let's try. 1,2,3... It's open'. I smile.

Talking to someone today has helped me realise that I am not alone, and whenever there is something behind my 'Miniature Wooden Door', I know I truly can face it when the door closes again.