The Ground Beneath

"It's going to be fine Kris," said mom. She said it's going to be different from before. I almost believed her. It's always been like this. She always tries to deceive me. And I swallow her pretty little lies. But this time I knew. Every single word she uttered was a flight of fancy. I didn't argue. I feel like being slapped in the face every time she says it. It's not the lie that bothers me. It is the insult to my intelligence that I find offensive. She even refused to take me to a therapist. The way she says it is so convincing. She may be my mother but she is sly as a fox. She almost made me feel like I don't have any issues and I am living a happy life. But the effects wore off faster. She's losing her touch.

Being cornered is not a feeling I love. I am used to it. I am used to random popular girls trashing me with their lackeys. They always enjoy looking down on me. In Fact, they need it to feed their ego. To stay sane. To reassure that they are on the top. Insecurities. Everybody has them. I am done being a toy so that those overgrown children can use me as they please. Let their anger out on me. I have fought enough. I am not giving up. I am going to free myself from this pain. This is a decision I know is right. I have always known when to stop. And I know that I have to stop enduring this.

This feeling is refreshing. The wind against my face. It feels like the stars are shining just for me. If I take one step right now there will be no more ground beneath me. I have stood enough. It is time to fly. Fly forever. Am I going to miss this world? I don't know. Will my mom care? Will dad finally come to see me? Will he bring his newly-found perfect family too? He knows I wouldn't want that right? Would he even care? "Ring ring!" It was my phone. Why would it ring now of all times? Should I check it? But why should I bother? Maybe I will check it.

"Hey sup? Wanna grab an iced coffee with two shots of espresso and cream tomorrow? Ik our project is over. But you seemed fun. If don't wanna just pretend like I never said this." read the message. What...... is happening? Somebody messaged me first! I can't think straight. I stepped down to the terrace. I sat down. I plugged in my headphones and listened to some Alec Benjamin songs. His songs really help me. I feel like he's talking to me. I glanced at the message again. Talia is one of the most popular girls in the school. Why would she message me? We just did one project together. Come to think of it, she never hangs out with other kids at school. What did we ever talk about though? And then it came to me. We both love comics and iced coffee with two shots of espresso and cream. I thought everything ended then and there. But maybe I found a good friend? Maybe I will also get to know how it is to have somebody when I am down and alone. Somebody who will stand by me. Somebody who will care for me. I was on cloud nine. But I was going to do something right now. Something that would have determined my future. Wait- Did I just say I would have?

Maybe I didn't think this through. Maybe I shouldn't do this right now. Maybe I should fight harder. Did I ever fight? Didn't I just endure everything? Did I ever put up a fight? Why didn't I ever think of all this before? Before I realised tears started pouring down I didn't cry because I realised how foolish I was or because I found a friend. These tears made me realise that I haven't cried in a while. I felt good. This might be the starting of something new.