The Eternal Prison

E.N.D's Diary: The Orphan

The days dragged on in that cold room, each moment felt like an eternity, the rain even falling slowly.  Even now, I can remember the smell of old, molding wood and rain. It was always raining. It got to the point that I honestly didn't think it was possible for the sun to shine anymore like sunshine was a reward and God was punishing me for something. 

I spent most of my time alone; I wasn't exactly popular at the orphanage and it was easier to just hide. You think those kids are all kind to each other because they all have something in common? They liked each other well enough, but I stunk of wealth and had far too many manners, it also didn't help that I had not been in an orphanage since birth. They thought I had it easy, but unlike them, I had loved and lost my parents. There was a very different hole in my chest. 

It wasn't just the other kids though, the adults who looked over us were also mean. I didn't make it a habit of being around any of them. I would hide in many different places with my book that I wasn't allowed to have, and hide until I was summoned. 

One of my favorite places to hide was under the beds, as a small child it was easy to squeeze underneath them. I often ate, read, and dreamed underneath those beds. The only time I had any peace was when a book was in my hand. It reminded me of the sun. 

Sadly, I didn't get a chance to finish very many books. We weren't allowed to read; looking back I don't actually know why. I think it must have been because they forced us, orphans, to go into town and get a factory job and not go into any respectful occupation. I guess that's also why they didn't give us very much schooling. Because of these awful rules, I had to sneak books in. We had a monthly trip to town and I was able to hide a few books on me or the bus for when I returned to them.

After a few times, they started checking me before we left town, but I was a clever child. I hid them very well, usually on other kids. I found books on the streets and in trash bins and I would take them with me. I didn't care about the subject or language I just grabbed it. I also hadn't quite realized I was stealing, bookstores often had a couple of books outside. I didn't care though. I doubt they even noticed. When I was especially lucky we would go in the afternoon and my friend would sneak me books from his school.

Ah, Jared. We were friends before I became an orphan. I went to school with him and I thought I would never see him again once I moved to that awful place. I was wrong. I was very wrong. The first day I saw him out around town I tried to speak to him. I was later beat for that. As an orphan, I am not supposed to speak to anyone. I am dirty, rude, and just plain annoying to anyone respectful. I learned this the very hard way. I didn't understand, I was the same girl as before, but my parents had died. Why did that make me gross?

Anyways, I still found ways to get my books. Having books meant I had dreams, and dreaming meant the courage to find a way out. I did, of course, find a way out. It was hard, but I did it. It took years of planning. The moment they thought I would try to leave they put me in 'counseling' or they beat me and talked to me about why I should stay. It took me years just to get them to believe that I wasn't going to run. I was sixteen when I decided I couldn't stay anymore. I had already been working in a factory for five years, that's the only reason they cared about us. We brought money. Events wouldn't allow me to continue working which made life at the orphanage go from nightmare to hell, but let's not get ahead of ourselves. I guess we should start before, before the orphanage that is. My life as a normal child, well a non-orphan.

My parents woke me up early in the morning. It was my first day of the second grade. I was especially excited because I and Jared were in the same class that year, unlike the year before. I thought it was going to be the best year ever. I got to school early, as always, and my father drove off to work. He dropped me off early for a couple of reasons, one because cars were very slow at this time and he had a decent drive to work, and the second I didn't completely understand at this time was because he dropped me off instead of a maid walking me to school. We didn't have a maid or bed nurse because my parents didn't want one. I of course did not know this, but my parents liked the idea of poor, but we weren't exactly poor. I strode into the small school building and found my room. I was the only one there and I could have done anything, but I found a seat close to the front and sat down. My teacher hadn't even arrived, yet I had found myself a nice seat and sat patiently, just like I knew I should.