I'm visiting my parents and brother back at my old house, but for them I finally came back down. After a week I was ready to leave again but I knew I couldnt do that to them. Up there I'm at peace, mostly by myself with my thoughts. That's not always a good thing but it's better than having to being dragged into all these meaningless arguments. Plus, it seems like no one gets me down here - not like anyone gets me up there. I don't know what it is but I must've learned something that changed my mindset and hasn't allowed me to vibe on the same frequency as everyone else. Sounds weird and made up but it seems like the only explanation. I wasn't always like this. I was able to make conversation with anyone I wanted, at least that's how I remembered it, but now it seems so difficult. Maybe it's cause my mind is always on other things and trying to make this person like me rather than letting it flow. Like this one girl, she's gorgeous and you can tell she's real smart but I just can't seem to have a decent conversation with her that flows. I always get all nervous and start thinking to myself how I can make her like me instead of actually trying to get to know her and talk about interesting stuff. But whenever I do seem to try and get to know her and talk to her, I feel awkward and like a dumbass. Not cause I don't know what I'm saying but cause I think I come off as I don't know what I'm saying. Most times I'm stuttering and trying hard to form complete sentences from all these thoughts going through my brain but it seems almost impossible to focus on one subject. Anyways, that's how I feel with the rest of the world. I can't seem to connect with anyone.
