Brother to brother

My head feels heavy but empty as I walk down the few steps to the grate hall that made the first floor of this enormous house. My hair fell down, covering my face, but I didn't feel like pushing it away, maybe it would cover up the fact that I was hurting... I bit my lip as i finally made it down, slowly, my feet dragging over the floor, I made my way over to the couch, but I didn't feel like sitting, i didn't feel like doing anything at the moment, it was like every thought had left my head, leaving an empty shell with one feeling, hurt, left. 

I took a deep breath as I felt a hand on my shoulder, but I didn't dare to turn around, I knew it wasn't him... I wouldn't see his warm brown eyes, even if i turned quickly it wouldn't change a thing, he was gone.

The warm hand carefully guided me to sit down, like I never would have imagined that that was what couches was for, but I know it was meant as a caring gesture, they all knew how hard the last few days had been for me. "It's ok to cry..." the man sitting next to me said, his hand slowly rubbing circles on my back, "I know how you feel..." he whispered, it wasn't hard to hear that he struggled to keep the tears back, he tried to be strong, for me. I just shook my head, it wasn't ok to cry... It wouldn't change anything, he was gone... he wouldn't even know if I cried, so why waist my tears.

"He isn't eating" I heard the silent whisper on the other side of my bedroom door, they didn't do a good job keeping me out from what they where saying, not that it mattered, it didn't change anything. My head was heavily resting on my soft pillow, my jeans hang nicely folded on my computer chair next to my shirt,  I couldn't even remember that I took them off... My hand carefully found its way over my stomach and chest, and i wasn't surprised when i managed to feel all my ribs under the thin layer of skin covering them, if i hadn't been skinny before i was definitely skinny now, but then again, i don't need to worry about my weight. I tried to smile at the joke i had made in my head, but it came out more as a dry cough, witch only lead to the door being pushed open and two men walking inside, one short and blond, the other one brown haired and tall. They both sat down on my bedside, looking at me with worried eyes, "come on... starving yourself wont help anything..." the blond one tried, taking my hand in his, squeezing it gently.

Tears... sobs... every sad sound that was humanly possible to make, filled the hall of the huge house. I carefully, step by step, made my way down the stairs, my two friends on each side of me, helping me so that i wouldn't trip and fall over. My head hung low, my hair, still a little wet from the shower I was forced to take, covering my face. My eyes were red, dark rings under my eyes, my skin pale and my tux hanging loosely over my skinny frame, looking three sizes to big on me. "We are almost there" the brown haired man said, helping me down the last few steps, before they both supported my weak excuse of a self over to the couch where I carefully was sat down, like they were afraid that I would brake if my movements were to quickly. "Sit here and rest up, we will be right back..." they said before quickly walking off, hurrying so that they wouldn't need to leave me alone for too long, not that it really mattered... 

"We are gathered here today, to say goodbye to a close friend, son, and brother, who left us to early..." I sat still, my eyes closed and my hands in my lap, my lip was trembling, and i felt the feelings build up in me, feelings i hadn't felt in a really long time. "It's ok to cry..." i felt a gentle hand take mine, holding it tightly, but i still shook my head, i wouldn't cry, I couldn't cry... not when he wasn't there to hold me close and tell me that things would be ok, that he wouldn't always be there...

"Please..." I blinked my eyes slowly, my chest felt heavy and my voice was more like a whisper, "please..." i said again, hoping someone would listen to my words. "Shh... don't say anything honny... its ok... everything will be ok..." i nodded, my movements slow and craving loads of energy from me that i didn't have. "It hurts..." I looked up at the woman standing over me, letting her hand run through my hair, "I know baby... I know... but its over soon... its ok..." i felt her salt and warm tears land on my cheek, she was crying... she was crying and i still hadn't shed a tear... what kind of human was I? "Bill... its ok... close your eyes and sleep... I'll be right here, beside you, holding your hand..." her tears kept flowing. I slowly tried to reach out my bony hand to her, letting her know that i wanted her to take it, and she did. Holding onto it like her life depended on it... but it wasn't her life... it was mine.. I closed my eyes, feeling my body relax, my breath getting slower and slower... and then...

I creamed as I startle awake, looking around in the darkness of my bedroom, scared. I curled up on the bed, holding the covers tightly around my shaking body. It was a dream... It was all a dream? I bit my lip hard, hesitatingly feeling down my upper body, no, I wasn't as skinny as i had been in my dream... it had to be a dream... I slowly stood up, my legs shaking violently as I still wasn't totally awake yet. I carefully pushed my door open, quickly tiptoeing down the hall and pushing another door open. "T-Tom..?" i whispered, looking towards his bed in the darkness, crossing my fingers that he would be in it. "T-Tom..?" I try again, a little louder this time, but the room is dark, and very silent. I make my way over to the bed, sitting down on the edge as I let my hand follow the mattress, but it found no sleeping body... "T-Tom..." I feel the panic start rise in my body, it wasn't a dream? It was real.. everything... he was gone...? I felt my breathing speeding up, my chest raise and falling quickly. "T-Tom..." i stutter, pulling my legs to me and hugging myself.

"Bill?" My head shoot up as I heard a familiar voice by the door, "What's going on?" he asked confused as i felt the bed dip down next to me as he sat down, pulling me close. "I... I though... You were... I saw..." I tried to explain, but the words didn't come out. Tom laid his arms around me, pulling me into a big, warm hug, "its ok to cry Bill... you know that?" I looked up at him, nodding my head, "I know..." i whispered, just as the tears started to flow.

Sooooo... what did you think? It's been a while since I wrote a shortstory, so I decided, at 01.00 in the night to start writing one, and this is how it turned out :) Please tell me what you like or dont like about it, and if you see any spelling/grammar mistakes that annoy the shit out of you :)

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TheNoteFromNowhere