HOW DID I SURVIVE

CHAPTER 6:

While trying to get my kids back, I need money for a lawyer. and he says his dad has his trust money. he said if we can come get it, he will give me what you need. so we took a trip to Oklahoma, I bought a car, when I got my tax money, and he tried controlling it saying its his to. 2 days turned into 2 weeks, he wouldn't even go to bed with me he was up all night. doing drugs. have me rearrange, everything in the car, accusing me of cheating , he drove some girl around in my car and drove it in a ditch, and I threw her purse out of the car and she tried getting in my face. 

I told him I had court to go to, and so we leave with barely any money never got any money from his dad. we barely made it to court. after a month I finally saw my kids. and I told him that BS ain't happening again. well I got so depressed that, he'd get made and say you don't love me. your cheating, you won't even look at me. or have sex with me, I said I lost my kids, I don't have to have sex with you if I don't want to .. you got my kids taken away I can't just forget about my kids.

I said I would kill myself If I didn't get my kid's back. I can't live without them. so everyone can see how depressed I was, I didn't eat a lot, I was always sick. I didn't go anywhere. I felt like it is wrong to go have fun. when my kids are hurting more than me, they don't understand why this happen and probably screaming they want their mom. I didn't want to be near kids at all. I would stay away from my nephews and nieces. I couldn't look at they're picture's. I couldn't look at toys or clothes. nothing. the only thing I kept close was one each of they're toy's. everything else. was put up.

he was on drugs a lot and was saying Matt was sneaking in having sex with me while i was asleep and had proof, he recorded me sleeping, and he shows me the video of me laying there asleep not moving nothing no noise nothing and he says right there see and nothing was even happening , he tried saying that the blanket was moving, he was so high he thought the blanket was moving. 

I said so you expect me to believe what your saying when first off the light is on, and second why would you record it instead of doing something about it, you didn't show proof of him even being there. 

It got to the point where, he got kicked out and he stole from my mother, and we moved to his friends house and wasn't there long and this guys 50 something and he said I was sleeping with him, and that's when the abuse started. he hit me in my chest, rib's, I grabbed my bag, and took off trying to figure out what to do it was 3am police are out moms in bed, he calls me telling me to come back, saying he's sorry 

 I went ahead and went back knowing I had no where to go at that hour and It was a long walk, I got back and he acted like he was asleep and all the sudden he's hitting me until I was in the corner of the wall. he ended up going to sleep after that. I fell asleep where I was and woke up with him not there.

of course he acted like nothing happened. I was afraid to leave.  we ended up moving out back to my mom's. and he started doing things with the neighbor. illegal things and because I was getting mad that he was always leaving all day, and coming home with all this money and he's riding with a female, which was the guys wife. I thought he was cheating and I ended up being apart of it, not by choice, after that we got in a fight after he told me take this money its for me, my cut. he tried taken it back saying it wasn't his. its the neighbors. 

I said no and he starts threatening me, saying he was gonna tell DFS I'm unfit to take care of kids and make up all this stuff. I refused again and he took a camping hatchet metal with paracord on the handle and hit me in the back of my head, and my mom was yelling at him and had my stepdad call the cops and of course they said no marks no proof.

on another occasion he knocked me down stomped on my chest. he had punched me in the back of the head. and he showed me his hand the next day and said I broke his hand, it was completely swollen. it didn't hurt. I had been hit in the same spot enough. I replied that it's not my fault you hit my head.