What am I to you? // Corpse Husband

13. Crazy

Monday 6.51pm

Thank god he finally answered.

"Are you okay?!?"

"What?"

"Are you okay?!?" I ask relieved to hear him with a calm tone, yet still feeling adrenaline running through my veins.

"Yeah, why?" He asks seemingly clueless.

"I panicked because you didn't answer your phone and I came to your place and you weren't there and I was worried you'd be paralysed again and alone and..." I finally take a breath in my whining, suddenly realising he is still silent. Did the line cut? "Hello?"

"Yeah." He is calm and he's saying nothing. Did I sound like a crazy person just now? I did, didn't I. Why is he saying nothing? This silence takes me back down to reality. This reality I was dreading. Me being overbearing.

"Okay then... I'm glad you're okay."

"Yeah I'm fine."

Still nothing but the bare minimum. No 'I'm sorry, I wasn't where I said I would be'. No 'I'm sorry, I forgot' or 'I'm sorry, something came up'. Should I says something? We were supposed to see each other tonight after all. I was so looking forward to it. I guess I was the only one. Come on Mina, just use the right words... No scene. Just relax.

"Do you want to hang out tonight?" Why am I asking? We already agreed on it. That's why I was at his place and why I got worried. I'm irritated now. Still, I need to control myself.

"I'm kinda busy tonight but I'll give you a call when I'm free."

I... am... stunned. 'I'll give you a call when I'm free'? 'I'll fucking give you a call when I'm fucking free'?

I'm here, excited to see him, worried sick not to find him where he is supposed to be, acting like I'm not myself so that I give him space and he'll give me a call when he's free? I am so angry right now.

What am I doing being so cautious? Being so submissive! Fuck you! I like you and I thought you did too. I thought you liked me enough to at least be honest with me.

"Don't bother." I end the call calmly.

I can't believe I just did this, but I start my car again and drive home. On the way there, he tries to call but I don't answer, and once I park my car, I text him.

[I'm tired. I'm not in the mood. I'll give you a call when I'm free.

Too passive aggressive? I don't care.

Surprisingly, once in my apartment, I feel calm, still tired from the late night the day before. After a quick snack and a shower, I grab a glass of water readying myself to go to bed before 8pm (this never happens) when I hear the door bell.

It could be my neighbour. He always needs something, but I have a feeling that it's not him.

Looking through the spy hole, I see my guy standing there, looking uneasy. I don't even know if I can call him like that to be honest.

I'm not in the mood and put the latch on before opening the door slightly.

Surprised that I am not letting him in, he tilts his head nervously.

"Can I help you?" I ask coldly.

"Mina, can I come in?"

"I'm on my way to bed."

"Yeah right. It's not even 8pm." I step in the gap to show him I'm in my pjs. "Oh."

"Can I help you?" I ask again.