Levi x Reader///Melancholy

cuts that bleeds

y/n

run [joji] slowed

"I can't do this anymore. I need to be with my family!" I heard a comrade screaming, complaining about the job of a scout. 

I rolled my eyes and refrained myself from hitting the coward. Much happened between now and discovering Eren's, well, ability. Knowing that some people wouldn't understand, we agreed to keep it a secret. But not all secrets can be kept and instead of killing Eren, Commander Pyxis will use Eren to block the opened hole in the wall with a giant boulder. 

I didn't understand why they even had the discussion of having him killed anyways. Sure he was a titan, but who else would be able to close the gates? My disgust for the higher ups only grew more. They really didn't understand the means of survival. 

I was ordered to join Mikasa and three other skilled Garrisons to defend Eren in case anything happens.  

We headed out with the hope of being able to close the gate. There were many doubts about Eren's abilities, even I had my own. But I knew it was either this or let titans come in. We reached the border, Eren transformed into a titan but instead of doing his task, he suddenly attacked Mikasa.  Shocked by this, my body fired a red signal without thinking. 

I wasn't really confident if my skills would be able to disable Eren's titan.  

"We need to abandon him now!" Rico, one of the elites, ordered. 

I pushed air out of my nose with annoyance, "Are you stupid? He's a valuable military asset!" 

"He doesn't look valuable right now!" Rico shouted at me. 

"Then you can go coward," I spat. 

Yet he didn't leave. Maybe because I called him a coward, but it didn't matter now because he showed his true side. I spotted Armin's familiar blonde hair. 

"Armin! He's in a dangerous state!" Mikasa called out.

Instead of backing away like I thought he would, Armin pressed a blade into Eren's titan left arm and began to talk about the outside world. I wanted to listen too but my eyes were focused on the other titans. I had to make sure that none of them would come to us. 

Regaining his senses, Eren finally blocked the gate and Rico sent a yellow signal meaning the mission succeeded.  Armin pulled Eren out of his body. 

But suddenly, two titans began to corner us. I saw Mikasa about to get picked up, I threw myself in front of her. I pushed her back but one of my blades accidentally sliced across my stomach. I groaned out in pain. I laid on my stomach and life went by slowly. 

I always thought it was just bullshit that you see your entire life flash before your eyes, but I was proved wrong. All my happy memories filled my mind, I saw my sister smiling, I saw a childhood friend pass me a baked good, I saw my parents congratulating me on winning first place in a race. Does this mean that I will finally be with them again? In a far away place? Maybe we will go to the ocean together. 

I was clearly not happy when I woke up in my familiar, wooden room. I really thought that I would be in the belly of a titan or dead because of the amount of blood I was losing. I lifted my shirt and looked at the new scar that slid across my stomach. 

I sighed and made my head fall back onto my pillow. I had my first encounter of death and instead of being grateful that I'm alive, I was disappointed that I still had to live in this world of melancholy and despair. Will there ever be a happy ending for anybody? 

A knock came on my door. Not wanting to talk to anybody, I shut my eyes and pretended to be asleep as the door opened. I needed to invest in a lock. 

"I know you are awake," Reiner's voice filled my ears. 

I opened my eyes and glared at him. I looked at the somewhat buff, blonde guy that stood in front of me. His face still disgusted me. I wasn't sure what it was but I felt like there was something in him that wasn't as nice as he seemed to be.  For as long as I knew him, I tried to figure out what it was but I could never pinpoint it. 

"Is there a reason you are bothering me?" I asked but it came out like I was groaning. I needed water. 

Like he was reading my mind, Reiner offered me a glass of water. I took it without saying thank you and swallowed the liquid that made my throat feel better. 

"Always cold," Reiner joked, "I came to fill you in."

"Were you ordered to or did you offer?" I asked placing the empty glass on the ground.  

"I offered. Anyways, Eren had to go to court to be judged by Commander-in-Chief Dhalis Zachary. Really it was just if Eren was going to be given to the Military Police Regiment or the Scout Regiment. Well the Military Police wants him dead while the Scouts want to use him. You know how Eren is... he yells at them and criticizes them for their cowardice. Captain Levi started to beat him up to show that he is able to be controlled. Commander ended up giving him to the Scout Regiment. Now Levi and his Special Operations Squad will bring Eren to the old Scout Regiment headquarters," Reiner explained.

He was talking too much. Like I always do, I rolled my eyes at the situation. 

"They want to use Eren, they want to kill him, blah blah blah. None of them are really thinking about the future of humanity," I complained.

"You don't see Eren as a threat?" Reiner asked.

"Am I supposed to?"

"I heard he almost killed Mikasa," Reiner argued. 

"He just turned into a titan. It's selfish and foolish of us to assume that he would be able to understand his body and himself so quickly. If he hadn't closed the gate, what would we be doing right now? Would we be dead?" I asked. 

Reiner seemed like he was really thinking about something as he stared at the wall behind me. Tired of his presence and wanting to be alone, I shooed him off. 

"Please leave. I need to rest," I snuggled back into my bed but I didn't fall asleep. 

I thought about the closed minds of the people who are supposed to be leading us. 

a/n ayo we rockin' with reiner??