Bahaghari MAG | Mar 2015 | Issue 2

Literary Section: Short Story

BORN IN AN UNDERSTANDING FAMILY
(Jell’s coming out story)

by: JellOfAllTrades

I am born in an average family. We are not poor nor are we rich. We have what we need and sometimes, even more than that. Both my parents work to support our family of five and my brothers and I are sent to good schools for education. We’re just another typical Filipino family—that is, if you’re only looking at our outer layer, because we are more than just that.

My father worked for an airline company and part of their employee benefits are travel packages. Meaning, we can travel to any of the airline’s destinations for free. Since my parents are friendly and well connected, our childhood consisted of vacations to different places around the country, for free or with great discount. My mother meanwhile is an accountant and as we grew up, she taught us the value of money, taking great importance to even the last peso.

My brothers and I however are a bit of a ruckus, my older brother being a constant complainer and a student of political science; he knows what he wants and what he’s going to do. Usually, he complains so that things would be made better, but sometimes, too much complaining can just be noise if no one listens and that’s where my younger brother goes against him. Kier is a go with the flow type of person so whenever Kuya Ken complains, Kier goes, “Wag na kasi pansinin,” and expect an exchange of words that would make you shake your head and try to block out the noise. But then, there’s me. I am the referee and the negotiator between my two brothers. I am the clash who knows what she’s doing but constantly pauses to wonder if she’s going the right way. In a small condo-type unit, the three of us combined would mean two things, total chaos or eerie silence as we do what we do.

In the house, whenever we do our family time, our topics of discussion range from politics to recent technological advancements to the upcoming movie of a famous star. I don’t know how my parents did it but we grew up with liberal minds that are open to anything good. My parents are both supportive in what we want to do with our lives, may it be arts or sciences. They are practically more supportive of me since I dipped in both pools equally. And my brothers have my back, understanding that the load of expectations is heavier on my shoulders.

We travelled a lot. Our vacations spent on the white sand beach of Boracay or the provincial cities of Cebu or Davao, we even went abroad some times. And with all this travelling, we were exposed to the different cultures and behaviors of the local folks. My parents always reminded us to mind what we are saying or doing so as not to offend anyone. We were taught not to be racists, to never curse and to accept a person whatever their race, religion or gender preference may be. They tried to erase prejudice in us and I think they partly succeeded, because even if erasing bias is impossible, my brothers and I learned how to be understanding people.

Our parents aren’t as strict as other parents and we are usually free to do as we please, so long as we notify them about our activities so they won’t worry. This kind of household arrangement influenced us to be what and who we really are. For Kuya Ken and I, this meant freedom to express our sexual orientation as bisexuals. My parents weren’t really surprised about this because even at our childhood, it was obvious as the light of day because we were always teased to be gay and tomboy. The teasing hurt us, yes, but we never really cared that much. Mainly because our family understood us, that even if my brother and I are like this, we’re still the same kids they came to know, the same people who  studies, don’t do drugs and have great plans for the future. As long as we’re not hurting anyone, being bent this way is not a crime.

I remember when I casually went out of the closet officially. It was a weekend of 2013—I don’t remember the month anymore, just that the five of us had just finished lunch and are doing our separate businesses in the living room. Mom and Dad were watching the afternoon news, Kier was busy in front of the laptop, Kuya Ken was drawing maps and I was looking for chocolates in the refrigerator. There was a showbiz news about this certain actor who said he’s bisexual and mom asked out loud what that meant. I answered, “Bisexuals are people who are attracted to both girls and boys. They’re not necessarily, totally gay kasi nga they still like the other sex. Silahis, gano’n. Parang ako.” My mom nodded and that was it, I’m officially out of the closet. Kuya Ken just looked at me like I cursed in rapid Spanish which he thought was insulting and also impressive since I suck at his favorite language. Even at the obviousness of our sexuality, I was the first to clarify it to our parents.

A few months ago, my mom and I are the only ones at home. She told me she’s worried of Kuya Ken since he’s been aggravated lately by school works, problems with his school organization and also peer pressure due to his obvious sexuality. I told her Kuya would be fine and mom let out a sigh and said, “’Yung ama mo kasi hindi marunong gumawa ng bata.”

I laughed since dad has passed away months before and is now only mentioned whenever we remember his corny jokes and cheery laugh. “Sinisi pa si daddy. Ma, we didn’t want to be like this naman eh. We just are,” I said, realizing too late that I unwittingly, officially pulled my brother out of the closet in his absence.

Mom looked at me sadly, “Okay lang naman sa akin na ganyan kayo. Wag lang sana kayong magdadamit pang-babae o pang-lalaki.”

“Hindi naman gano’n si Kuya. Hindi siya crossdresser and hindi din naman siya totally bakla. Bisexual lang din ‘yon gaya ko.”

“Ayoko lang naman kasi husgahan kayo ng tao.”  She said, somberly. And just then did I realize how truly understanding and how loving our parents are.

At that moment, I saw how diverse the human race really is, being divided by what we accept and reject. Whenever there are people who ask me about my sexuality and if my parents know about it, they always find it shocking to learn that in the young age of eighteen, I’m already out and proud. Sad to say, this only shows that not everyone is as understanding as my family is.