When You're Gone

When You’re Gone (inspired by Avril Lavigne’s “When You’re Gone”)
August 21, 2007

 I looked over at James; we had just left a friend’s birthday party. James had been drinking yet again, and I was pretty pissed off. I sighed and quietly tried to start speaking, but I stopped myself many times, trying to find the right words.

“I wish you’d stop drinking so much when we went out, it scares me when you’re always drunk, why are you always drunk, is it me?” My lip quivered, I didn’t want to start crying.

 “I drink because I can Eddie, that’s what being an adult is about sometimes. Having a good time with your family and friends over a few beers, it’s not like I’m drunk, I had three beers.” The anger in James’ voice could be felt like a knife cutting through meat, the air was very tense.

 “That’s not what I’m saying; I’m just asking you to maybe go out once or twice without coming home tipsy. It’s been this way for awhile; I was just hoping you could stop.” I wasn’t trying to sound accusing.

 James sighed heavily, “I don’t understand why it’s such a problem, I’m not an alcoholic or something, and I have never hit you.

 “I know, I just thought it would be nice to maybe go out without drinking once in a while.” My voice was still high pitched, as I tried to fight the tears rolling down my face.

 We rolled up to the stop line at the intersection by our house, we were just about home. I just wanted to go to bed before this fight got too intense. I should have just kept my mouth shut, than none of this would have been a problem.

“Maybe we should take a break Eddie, we don’t seem to be getting any better, and we just seem to be getting worse and worse with every day”

The way his voice sounded, I started to cry, I couldn’t lose him, and he was my absolute everything. We had been dating since we were 12; we had just celebrated our fifth year together by getting engaged. I couldn’t have been happier, why did he just want to go on a break, couldn’t we work this out?

As the light turned green, James started driving forward. It felt like a lighting bolt hit us, as a semi-truck rolled through the intersection and smashed into the car, sending it flying into the ditch like a rubber band, rolling three times before finally stopping upside down. I opened my eyes, expecting to be dead, but I was just in some extreme amounts of pain. It felt like my legs were tied down with something.

I tried to move, but a pain I have never felt before ran through my body, making me let out a horrible scream. I could feel something wet on my face and neck, I touched it and tried to look at what it was, it looked like blood; what the hell happened? I looked over at James, but he wasn’t moving; I couldn’t even tell if he was breathing. I tried to shake him, the pain in my leg sending huge pulses throughout my body, but I had to wake him up, I had to make him open his eyes.

I could here some yelling outside the car, and a siren was going around and around. I tried not to follow it as it made me dizzy, I felt light headed and I started to close my eyes. As suddenly as my eyes started to close, something started pulling on my jacket, and I could feel my legs starting to rush with pain again, and they were as wet as my face. I could hear someone asking me something, but I couldn’t understand them, I couldn’t make out the words. The next thing I remember is going into the back of a truck, the doors shutting and us driving away; I blacked out.

I woke up in a strange room, it wasn’t my house. I tried to get up, but it hurt to even move any part of my body. I looked around the room from what I could see, but the only think I could see was white walks, white ceiling and a white bed; was I dead?